the following is part of a letter i printed out for each of my house mates...

"Dear fellow residents of our skinner mill household, December 30, 2004
(a.k.a.-- roomies)

You’re going to think I’m *crazy*.....but I propose that we, as a “family,” make a truly unified effort this year toward conservation, reuse, and recycling. I cannot sit idly any longer..throwing away useful things..buying things I do not need...and filling landfills with what could be recycled. I believe it is our duty to be good stewards of all that we have..and part of that includes the space we have on this planet. I've been considering it for a number of months now, and see no reason not to begin our new year with this.

I know that there are about a million things we could be doing and aren’t..and thinking about all of that can seem very overwhelming...but I am willing to help us begin making the needed changes and head this effort if you, as my skinner mill family, will participate with a few guidelines and rules. I do not expect us to suddenly become completely "earth-friendly" but I do know that there are a few simple things we could start with in order to make us more environmentally conscious.

My suggestions:
1. The Compost Pile
2. Recycling
3. Use wisely/Reuse"

i followed this with a breakdown of those three points and how i expect we can easily begin to adhear to them. this is just me realising that i cant complain about the state of mind americans are in if i dont start doing something to help change my own state and the state of mind of those directly around me.

i guess i'll post updates if any good response comes of this..and i guess i should go buy a second trash can soon....i just havent decided yet if a large outdoor trashcan is what we need, or if we just need a second kitchen trash can....hrm....again..i should wait for roomie responses before this step...me thinks

this christmas almost everything i gave came from antique stores. the only non-antique gifts selected were the sweater i found for my grandmother which is a perfect color and style for her and was less than ten dollars from a closeout store...and the items for the "movie night" basket i made for the owners of the coffee shop. and since that was such a creative little idea...i dont feel bad for it one bit.

why would i feel bad for new gift giving? well..because it feels so very...sterile..to me. and so wasteful, too. i LOVE the feeling that i'm giving someone something which is completely unique...that they wont have already been given that year. i love buying things used or on closeout to prevent them from becomming trash before their usefulness is spent. i love the history that looms around old things....like the newspaper clipping that we found in the pages of the book i gave my dad last night. i gave my friend rebekah a flower chocker which god only knows the events it was worn to and on whos neck it was displayed as the latest fashion..and no one else will be wearing this where rebekah wheres it in the comming months...and she wont soon forget where it came from. the american girl books i gave my little sisters may have been read first by someone my age..maybe even me, for all we know...and now they can repeat the process. why should we print new ones when these are prefect?

my mom gave me a set of tea plates with cups which were from a thrift store and i LOVE them. i love that there are 5 cups and 4 plates and i love that it isnt something i can just turn around and see in anyone's home today...i love that there is a history of social gatherings contained within the memory of these dishes.

i suppose i like the thought of ghosts..i enjoy the mystery behind old things...and i hate to see them fall to the side for newer. its no wonder i love the story of the velvetine rabbit.

well..one of my housemates is looking for someplace new to live. i knew she would be...i hoped she would..for her sake. i hurt for her because i know her personality is simply being smothered in our house as it is. its small and we sleep when she doesnt and she has to comply with our silence while shes wide awake and would love to have people over..so for her sanity..i hope she finds someplace. i pray she finds the perfect roommate setting..and that its good for her and helps her grow..and lets her be HERSELF again...i havent seen her as herself in well..about a year, i guess.

how strange it is to say "i love you and because of that i hope you find someplace to move out to soon" yeah..its odd and doesnt seem like it should make sense...but it does..completely.

so..in light of this probabilty...what of our house without a jen?

i think carrie and i could pull the weight of the rent as just two of us..realy. carrie is going to be fully licensed and graduated to do hair in january or february..and when that happens she'll be able to pick up a lot more work..making good money..a chunk more than shes getting at the moment...and i havent realy been being frugal with my food and other expenses altely..i have room to cut back in order to still manager a bit more in the bills...and we've talked about how niether of us care much to pay for a phone line..we got that for jen because she kept going over her cell plan.

carrie and i tend to buy a lot of the same food products and such, too...we use the same grocery store and actually end up going about the same time to shop.so maybe we could even make groceries a roommate bonding thing in the future. i think we could realy make the house more homey just the two of us...agreeing on how things are done and stuff has never been much of an issue between us.

anyhow..yeah. this house realy is made for two people..and it could be realy fun to set it up as such...id get to paint a new room and have space for the stuff i'll be acquiring when mom and dad finish their move...wow!

dont get me wrong though..i do love jen..i do. i love knowing her..i love talking with her..but those chances are so rare lately that all we get to cover are house issues. i miss her as she was.

dear brother,
i want this for my birthday. please take me!
love,
the older little sister

um...okay...here's the thing

so...at work tonight one of my employees sisters comes in with some friends of hers...we're all happy and cheery and stuff..

dude (friend of employees sister): i'll need two medium chais
me and the girls behind the counter: (urging that at least one be chai cider instead of plain chai)
dude: are you becca?
me: yeah
dude: i'm stalking you on the internet
me: what!?!
dude:...through your blog
me and girls behind the counter: (exclaiming about how creepy that is)
dude: (tries to not sound like he meant to be creepy)

later, while i'm making the drinks...
dude: i was just surprised to find someone else from augusta and then i thought you were a friend of mine and then found you werent
me: did you ever say anything in there?
dude: no, just read it for a couple of days

a little more later...
wife of dude: i'm sorry that my husband scared you...he's realy a nice guy
me: that was REALY creepy, though.

yeah..so...should i be more interesting in the next few posts, so as to entertain the stalking readership...or should i sudenly try to be as boring as possible, to deter?

on a side...
dear peter,
you should like to know that a friend of mine at a christmas party was biding people farewell in elvish ("namarie") it should also be noted that chad..the friend..is a music and theatre sort, too. so..that makes a total of TWO people who may regularly use elvish speak around me at any given moment...you being the first, of course.
endearingly,
becca

i heard a very tiny snip of this the other night while driving from the grocery store to my house..and i need to listen to the whole program....so here it is as a reminder to myself...so i will probably delete this soon as i've sat myself down long enough to take a listen (now you can see for yourselves how busy i have been lately...by watching how long this sits here)

The Infinite Mind on "Place"

A year ago round now
I endeavored upon a great fall.
Not accidental, but thought out and acted upon
and now I stand looking back.
I see the height from which I fell.
Also see I from whence I’ve come
and to where
and I reason that the falling wasn’t a falling in fear,
because I knew that the going
would not be as though falling
-from a cliff into a rocky bottom-
but more as coming
-to a drop off-

From where I then was looking down
I saw bellow me a gentle river
and lush green things with wild flowers and shades of emerald
and the verdure sparkled.
There was music within each ripple of the brook
dancing ‘round rocks who were calling me to dance along.
I knew that in the valley there’d be dancing for me
all around and beneath and above me.

(and these, only the describable visions,
for there were bellow a many beautiful thing
as humankind may never have seen before
and certainly I could never describe here.)

Thus in me was created a glad expectation
and with it, an unquenchable desire
to experience the beauties of the valley.
This desire compelled me to let myself scale that ledge,
though difficult and possibly dangerous..and definitely messy.

I descended and I was caught up within the glorious enjoyment.
In the treats of the unexpected falling in.
And now, after I’ve come through the ravine,
I find that I am glad for the tumbles
these scars can only make me smile of the memories.

yes, it is that time of year again, my friends

the time of year when becca checks the weather almost every day and tries to predict snowfall. it if is EVER predicted to be at all damp, and bellow freezing..she's crossing her fingers for snowfall..and guess what? it *could* *possibly* happen this sunday!!!!!!

it would be *perfect* too, because sunday night is our evensong service..and what better night for snow than on the eve of a christmasy celebration of worship?

exactly....my friends...exactly!

*continues to play the roll of a little girl with sparklingly naive eyes*

its quiz time.....Do you know the coffee girl?

Check out the Scoreboard!

has the traveling coffee girl visited you yet?



create your own visited states map

Fast change is arriving and slow change is moving out

im sitting here now in a super soft old green pull-over hoody because my house is kind of chilly and i, for some reason, opted for the hoody instead of pulling my heater over here and plugging it in. its kind of a nice "remember the college days" kind of chill....heh. WCC dorms...you kids remember those?

*strange little girl*

so...last night i revised my resume'. yup. i've been kind of keeping it secret that i'm looking to change my line of work...but here it is in my blog for all the world to read.

today i stopped by a smallish church which i've heard is looking for a new secretary (30 hrs a week) and filed an application. i met the pastor and his wife (she is currently filling the spot till someone is hired) and the pastor and i had one of those "i've seen you somewhere before" moments and figured out i've given him coffee a number of times. (its unescapable!)
i had a little bit of conversation with them and hope that it made a lasting mark on my name with them so i can be called back. the deadline to apply is tomrrow..so ii feel that being close to the end of the line makes me be the most easily remembered while they are reading over the forms next week....right?

tomorrow i'm going to apply for an administrative assitant position with the youth ministry at my current church. it actaully sounds like it is MORE work than the little church secretary job, but i realy dont know enough about either position to make a good call on that.

why church work?
well...i've always tended to enjoy office sort of work...helping dad at his office some when i was in middleschool....library work...music office stuff...i cant realy get my words around what it is..but i like it. i think i could enjoy it 30 hrs a week..honest.

"seven things that make a fulltime job in coffee abnormal from a full time job in a church office" or "what ive started to miss while working full time at the coffee shop" (in no particular order):
1. being able to finish one project before going on to another (darn customers getting in my way while im trying to finish inventory and brewing and calling people for interviews and ordering and keeping the schedule up to date....and...and...and)
2. having a normal schedule with days where you work and nights where you do non-work things and except for special things that come up...a repeating schedule every week.
3. not having to worry about whos on shift when youre not
4. sundays to focus on worship instead of on the currently set to "silent" cell phone beside me which will probably have 2 or 3 missed calls from work and if i look at it i'll not be able to think about anything else and if i dont look ill just not be able to think about anything else either. (thats the kicker...leave me ALONE on sundays...GEEZE (the store was closed every sunday for a year and every sunday for a year i didnt mind it one bit))
5. no more 16 and 17 and 18 and 19 year olds swapping shifts all the time and calling in "sick" on sundays and mondays after their fun weekends
6. its pretty likely that in a church, your boss isnt going to fly off with a horrid temper at any given moment at you for something that doesnt even involve you. pretty good chance that isnt as common.
7. can i remention the "normal schedule" bit? i liked it a lot. normal schedule...and weekends off!


so...yeah

my housemates dont know i'm loooking to change
my boss doesnt know i'm looking to change
no one at work knows i'm looking to change (except rebekah knew i was thinking of moving before)
my family knows....a couple of people at my church know...and the pastor at the church i applied at today knows.

Wie ist das Buch?

a note from lesson drei of my self-taught German lessons (thank you, library, for books like this)

"When the Germans say: Wie ist das Buch?-- 'How is the book?'--they are not asking about its health but for a descripion of its color, dimensions, etc."

so...Wie sind Sie?

i see red leaves outside my bedroom window
and its raining that gentle, constant sort of rain
the kind that soaks without flooding

(it should be noted that this is not my view..but dont we all wish it were?)

in july of last year i clung to this hymn's words...i think it wouldnt hurt that i do it again

Be Still My Soul
Words: Katharina A. von Schlegel
translated from German to English by Jane L. Borthwick

(stanzas 1 and 2)
Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

i was pondering something today....

if i could do something over again, this is what i'd do:
i'd NOT start college when i'm 17..i'd have spent that year in private lessons..and maybe taken my less favorite core subjects at a community college (science, math) while i was still at home to have gotten help from my parents on them and not to have had to ballance them with music classes.
i'd have started at WCC in august 2000 and finished in may 2004...with a perhaps better idea of who i am musically. as it was, i had just barely begun to grow in my voice lessons by my senior year. age is a huge factor in voices.

too bad i cant go back and do it all over again.

i have a library card!

i dunno why i take so long to do the simplest things...
finishing a book nick had checked out of the library motivated me to get my own card...so today i got one in about thirty seconds and then spent an hour or so browsing the stacks

i came out with...
1. Garrison Keillor:the book of guys
2. The Berlitz self-teacher: German
3. About a Boy (dvd)
4. Catch Me If You Can (dvd)

derek webb is currently a roaring bull on the markets and the economy

option 2 of my googlism title search: "derek webb is also planning on breaking into major motion pictures next year"

after a very long but good day of work...my back and feet are tired.

BUT i am now wearing comfy fuzzy blue slippers...and its raining slightly outside. (thank god its not inside, eh)

tomorrow evening im taking my brother to see derek webb with full band. its a week late birthday gift. i think we might have to have sushi night before the concert. its the day after payday, after all.

*sigh*
just thinking about last year at his one-man show....he said some truthful heavy stuff then..i think he should at least repeat those words...and maybe add some to the blow. and i think it will be good for me. and for the brother.

today is yesterday's tomorrow

today was a long day at work (ten hours again)..but its all just fine...because afterward i ate redbeans and rice made by daddy and fell asleep on the couch with the tv on...then i went to my bed to finish reading High Fidelity...then i took myself to a cheap movie (Hero) (the gaurds are CREEPY!) and then i drove home with Pablo Honey turned up REALY loud with a big smile on my face. now i'm folding clean laundry (thank you, Rebekah, for the use of your washing machine...your detergent smells MARVELOUS!)

i've used too many capital letters in this entry. now to add the links!

tomorrow is friday...the day for which i spend all of my pent-up creative energy planning the perfect non-uniform clothing combinations to wear at work on the one day im allowed to do so.
tomorrow is friday...payday.
tomorrow is friday...robert is interviewing four applicants who seems promising.
tomorrow is friday...i get to sleep in
tomorrow is friday...i get a real saturday off to look forward to afterward.

i used to keep a journal...much like this. It was on a computer but not online. It was locked. It was the first time i discovered how freeing it is to write to the sounds of a clicking keyboard. It was when i found this voice that thinks almost as fast as i fill it. It is easier produced..less weary...less physical and more mental. Yes, sometimes it is good for the physical art of making script to be a part of the journaling process..but at times like this..when i don’t even know my own thoughts...the time it takes to get from head to hand through pen and onto paper in swoops and curls takes far too long and leaves one too much chance to eat the words instead.

Why do so many religions use flames, heat, and fiery colors within their worship? And music, too.
Why do i feel like sitting close to my space heater, burning incense, and watching a flame dance
while i listen to someone else sing songs which might tell me what to feel?


Am i going through an adult crisis of belief point? I don’t think so.
I mean...i do sometimes find myself pondering how strange we look at church doing our prayers and singing our praises to this creator whom to some seems absurd and made-up. I mean...wouldn’t it be horrible if the whole thing were a farce that everyone’s been lead to believe? What if we aren’t as certain as we say we are?
How do we make this look less absurd to them? right here its what everyone does...and its what youve always done...but someplace else you have to make a choice to be seen absurd.

I waste too many peoples time with my brain spews...i cant imagine that they really give a rip
anyway. ill just give them to you here, now. It feels less selfish and a little closer to actually praying...and somehow i think i need to get closer to that feeling again...since it used to be all i was about.

What am i here for?
Why am i feeling so dissettled?
Who or what am i waiting for? and where am i going next and how and when and what if it IS without my parents approval?

all i can think about lately is changing.
I’ve changed my hair multiple times. I have seriously considered changing my piercings. I got overly excited about what changes i could make for a Halloween costume. I’ve changed my speech patterns and habits. The other day i even noticed that my handwriting has sort of changed in the last few months. Im always looking for ways to change my room or how i spend my time in it..or what im reading or what time i get out of bed..what time i go to bed...what i eat.

What am i setting myself up for?
What kind of future am i readying for?
I can imagine so many things
I’ve already imagined a hundred careers and dreams for myself feeding from what i do and have done and enjoy and then seen them fade from my memory before they came to be and the one that i have now is half of what i always wanted and im sick of what its doing to me..at least tonight i am.

I remember saying “i know exactly what i am doing until may 17th 2003 and then its a huge blank” Well...i just kind of wish i could crawl backward into the other side of may 17 2003 and be that girl who knew exactly what she was doing. I don’t know what the bloody hello im doing and i don’t like it so much right now.

(end of stream of consiousness entry)

I’ve been trying to figure it out for months now.
"what?" you ask?
exactly!
I’ve had this looming feeling that something needs to change..that i need to relocate or reorder or redefine...something about my life..and i havent figured out yet what it is...but its on the verge of making me feel rather miserable. tonight im sitting here in my room with a knot in my chest because i don’t exactly know what i want from life or to put into life...and i feel as thought if i only knew what it is im supposed to do..to change..that the knot would shrink and I’d feel a little less displaced.
did you hear that? i feel displaced..or misplaced..or at least not where im supposed to stay.
i consider sometimes saving up all my extra money by eating only the cheapest things and selling everything i don’t need....giving my two weeks at work after I’ve saved what I’ve figured is enough to last me a little bit..and then hitting the road to find something..or at least change what im doing and live a little more...and maybe I’d find myself someplace i feel placed.
i guess where im at now feels safe..and it feels like it *could* stay this way for a while and I’d survive...but i don’t feel EXCITED about it. i miss being excited about where i am and what I’m doing there. and im so not excited that it brings me to tears to realize it.

here is what might be coming up between october 1 and december 31

maybe part of what i miss is that i cant find a place to be invisable here....i've always had that...and here, i dont. the places i enjoy going to be alone are places where its inevitable that someone i know will end up.

where can i go?

i should have posted this a week ago...but here it is now...enjoy the linkage :)

charlottes vote song

vote vote vote
unless you are a goat
cause goats cant vote
vote vote vote
unless you are a candied yam
cause candied yams cant vote
vote vote vote
unless you are a donut
cause dounts cant vote
vote vote vote
unless you are a potted plant
cause potted plants cant vote
vote vote vote
unless you are a fellon
cause fellons cant vote
vote vote vote
unless you are a can of ham
cause cans of ham cant vote.

have is love

i have a tall comfy bed which i cannot feel the springs in

i have a new heater in my room to make my toes toasty

i have java chip ice cream to make my mouth and insides happy

i have clean laundry...except for what i wore today at work is very much non clean

i have sold seven books on half.com

i have a new pair of dark jeans so i can obey dress code rules at work without wearing stupid looking pants

i have organic cleaning supplies

i have ten days to finish reading High Fidelity

i have a feeling i'll work on that some this afternoon and perhaps a lot tomorrow

i have tomorrow off

what have you?

Application to Date and/or Marry Miss. Rebecca "bweka" J. Gosey

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please copy and fill out completely, specify which position you intend to apply and return completed form along with a .jpg image of your eyes and a .jpg image of you looking fabulous (by definition of Becca) to: coffeegirl @ platypi007 . net and jennylynne @ silver-lined . com . your submissions will be fully reviewed and promising candidates will be notified for interview. (If digital photo forms are not available, contact Becca or Jennifer via email for mailing address. Mix albums may also be sent via postal service for extra points.)
-----------------------------------------------------------------

1. What is your name?

2.Birthdate:

3. What is your quest?

4. What is your favorite colour?

5. Birthplace:

6. Current residence:

7. Occupation:

8. Desired Occupation:

9. Biggest Dream:

10. Father's full name:

11. Mother's full name:

12. Have you ever plead guilty of a crime? If yes, please describe:

13. Do you presently partake in any illegal drug usage?

14. What are your views on alcohol consumption?

15. Arrange in order preferred: (a)pets, (b)plants, (c)books, (d)movies, (e)recorded sound,
(f)instruments to make sound, (g)visual arts

16. What does the “J.” stand for? Are you sure of that?

17. Describe your last meaningful encounter with a child:

18. If you were given a choice between:
(a)playing scrabble (b)playing solitaire (c)playing super mario brothers for Gameboy
...which would you choose?___

19. Have you ever or do you ever plan on going to Germany? | yes | no |

20. Please place the following in the order you would most prefer (last being the least preferred
venture):
(a) a week in any large city of your choice in which you take in all the sights, a few shows, some
shopping and really great food..
(b) a carefully mapped road trip coordinating stops with friends on the way and avoiding hotels
and motels as often as possible.
(c) a tropical cruise vacation getaway
(d) an extended tour of Europe...long enough to see everything and fall in love with it.
(e) holidays spent with family/friends whom you do not often see

21. Of the following choices, what is the proper spelling:___
(a) colour (b) color (c) coler (d) colur
(e) kolour (f) kolor (g) kohler (h) kohlour

22. Suppose that you are passing a coffee shop. The air is filled with the scents of coffee as it
roasts. You _______
(a) stop and breathe deeply, savoring the aroma..step inside and purchase yourself a beverage
(b) complain about the price of coffee today and continue on your way
(c) exclaim that coffee is the devil
(d) think about Becca and wonder what she’s doing right now...then give her a call.
(e) you have no opinion of coffee

23. Recall any conversation you have had with Becca and discuss it here in a way that will prove
to her that you aren’t making it up:

24. Becca has always wanted to sing in a band...could you help her get a hook-up with something
like that?

25. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares why does he keep doing it?

26. Do you own a suit?___. If yes, what colour(s) is it?____________When was the last time
you wore it and what was the occasion?

27. What are, in your opinion, the top five favorite written works? why? How have they
influenced you?

28. List 15 movies and why you have included them in the list.
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15

29. List 12 albums within your collection which most accurately represent the spread of genres
and styles in your taste.
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12

30. In an essay of at least 200 words answer this question: “What are the most delightful
qualities about Becca, and how did you discover them?” (Please attach at the end of this form)

31. Please give 7 references not related directly to you (also at the end of the form)
(DON'T put parents, brothers, aunts, grandparents, etc)
Must include: names, addresses, email addresses (if available), years known, and
relationship to applicant.

i went to best buy yesterday afternoon. the guy in the dvd department remembered i'd been there the night before looking for something and found it for me. i purchased nightmare before christmas yesterday afternoon. and i watched it. and i watched the special feature additions....tim burtons early works and such. yay! happy times were spent on a tuesday afternoon :)

dial is a free access one

goodbye highspeed internet

why is origami so good for you?

why do i do it? (not origami...tahts just my googlism-created title)
why do i get sooo deeply interested in things
and then completely forget about them?
ive done it with so many things....
i wont even start yet on all of the music stuff...guh!
and then there's drawing and painting. i got this specific size desk and put my monitor NOT on it so i could leave it clean of things and sit at my bedroom window to draw and paint..and ive done that MAYBE two days in the last 9 months.
i have a section in my browser bookmarks labled "german resources" where i was attempting to REALY sit down and expose myself to germany and its language and culture and i was even looking into doing an abroad sort of program if i found one that fit my budget and needs... then i just kind of...left the links alone.
i acquired a cello nearly two years ago...took a strings class...aspired to pay for cello lessons after moving to augusta...and now it sits in my closet behind scarves and belts...never touched.
i have piano lessons, flute lessons, and guitar lessons all in my past.
i have books ive begun and never finished.
i have books lined up behind those...waiting to be read.
i have mix album playlists being planned.
i have boxes of things to be sold.
i have stories i started writing.
i have relationships i let grow cold...

why? i'd call myself "well-rounded"...but maybe "incompleted" fits me better?

november is one more reason to be

goodthings: setting otuside on my friends front porch with a bucket of snackpacked sunflower seeds and a bowl of candy. being dressed as a black and white film star. little kids dressed as pirates and spiderman and pricesses wandering up through a cloud of smoke-machine-induced smoke.

badthings: waking up at 4:55am to get ready for work. casually checking your calender before getting dressed to find that YOU DONT WORK 'TIL TWO IN THE AFTERNOON!
and then going back to bed thinking "i could have gone to the movies last night with jennifer and russ and luke and daniel if i'd known....ZZZZZZzzzzzzz"

so now its 12:26 and im sitting here in my jammies not at work yet :)

aol is relearning its abcs

this evening after work i made a stop by the grocery store rather than heading home directly, because we were out of some important items in our little house (ie: toilet paper)
as i was making my way through the store, an asian-american young woman approached me from behind and said very politely "excuse me...i was just wondering...are you a member of AOL?" i was confused. i answered "um...no." and then she went on in her own direction. that was the end of it. she didnt have any sort of survey clipboard with her...she didnt seem to be trying to sell me anything..i have NO idea what that was. i didnt see her in the store any more afterward, either. *shrugs*

dreaded is one that is spoken only in whispers

ive been reading on the internet about dreadlocks for the last hour or so...i think id love them..but i also like the variety of fun i can have with my hair in its free state.
so, im reading and realising/discovering that it is a LOT of trouble to get them started and wait for them to get realy set....which is good...keeps me from jumping into it spuradicly like i do so many other things (have i mentioned that my hair is jet-black now and i randomly gagued my ears last year when i was supposed to be packing to move?)

so...no dreads for me at this time....but it has been a REALY long time since i braided my locks....hrm....


no. for now im just going to sit here and drink my warm mug of green jasmine tea.

hidden is unusual not only because it is rare

thoughts on things around me i couldnt see....


my room is messy.
its been pretty bad ever since i started trying to "clean" it of extra junk. i bagged up a bunch of stuff to get rid of and never got it out to my car to take to a thrit store or dump.
a week after that, i got stuff from my parents' house...which i plan to put in the boxes it is already in..under my bed.
but i thought my parents were to be taking my trumdle out from under my bad last week...and they arent
so now i need to get the trundle out..and put the stuff under.

i didnt see that there were clothes all over my room ....over the bedframe, hanging on the chair, in three baskets, and on the foot of my bed...which needed to be put in the closet.

i didnt see that id completely stopped keeping my closet in its usual order.....things were disjuncted...sleeved shirts were next to pants were next to tank tops were next to shirts and various other misconstrusions (i should have put that word there...is it a word at all?) and thats not normal for me.

i didnt see that my dresser was covered in makeup products that i dont even use on a daily basis....just pulled out from a rush to get ready one morning or afternoon or something

i didnt notice that i hadnt listened to any variety of music in my house in a long time. all music has been car music..and the cd player started acting funny last road trip, so car music ahs been tapes and radio. i think i try to be too polite at home and just dont listen to anything so it wont bother any of the house mates...though theyve never complained.

i didnt see that it is so amazing when the ashes from a stick of insence all fall on the tray made to catch them...and oh the lovely aroma of it, too.

im at grandmas now and its a funny story as to why im here
well...doing laundry, essentially

heres some background to the story
when we moved into the house my roommates and i currently occupy, there was a washer and dryer there..from previous occupants. the dryer works great but the washer is kinda goofy in that the dial is completely ambiguous...you never know where its set so you just guess and start...and as soon as you think you understand it, the wheel turns and you dont know anymore. so we were on the lookout for something more dependable when our friend Daly remembered that he had a washer stored at someones house not being used...so daly lets us use his washer till we can get another one or till he needs his back or whatever...(the house where it was is a house that many guys move in and out of frequently...its a college ministry house sort of thing...so daly had lived there and moved out but didnt take everything with him yet)
so now for 6 months or so weve happily been using dalys washer...but on saturday night i get a call at work from daly. he says
"i have a problem..it involves you..and you arent going to like it."
"uh oh"
i say. turns out dalys washer hed lent us WASNT his washer at all and the guy who realy owns it needed it back on saturday night so he could move...someone else had given DALYs washer away previously! i tried saying "well, you gave HIS away, too!" but daly's too honest and had already explained to the guy wha thte situation was.
so as of two days ago we're out of a washer...though we do still have the other one in the basement if we get desperate..and find people to help us move it upstairs (ahem...daly) good news is, a guy who helped daly move "his" out of our house says HE has one we can use till august. we'll hopfully get that before next week
we have a GREAT dryer, though!

as tom described it "This is further proof that fact is stranger than fiction."

becca is a choir snob..look out!

i love rehearsing more than one night a week
i love singing for two hours after a long day of not being musical
i love being SILENT after the piece ends (ahem...everyone, please?)
i love when i can see the director
i love when, once ive been placed where i can see, i watch him (ahem...everyone?)
i love when i dont guess the pitches
id love it if you stopped leaning toward me in attempt to glean my musician ship as your own while you sing a tiny bit behind me and find the pitch a fraction of a second after i sing it...that is not realy how this thing works. but otherwise, i love it all already!

this morning someone told me i seemed stressed out...but i dunno if i am.

im tired, as previously mentioned...but is that perhaps also stress-related?

i tend to never notice that im getting stressed till im already there....having it pointed out to me.

ever since she said that, ive been trying to be realy careful to not let my discontent with not being in bed away from here affect the way i treat everyone who comes in the door. im trying to not wish theyd stop driving up to the drive through one after the other while the rest of them line up at the counter...but i REALY want to just sit here and eat my apple slices and push the hands of the clock closer to 2:30...and then go home and put on a movie while i sleep on the couch on this rainy sleepy afternoon.

im at work. its about all i can do to keep my eyes open right now. if there werent customers in here at this second..id probably shut them for a couple of minutes.

see the time stamp on my last entry? yeah...i went to bed about an hour following that..and woke at 4:45. im TIRED.

dear bed,
i miss you dearly. lets spend some time together this afternoon after i get off work.
missing you,
becca

voice is all you have

relating to the previous couple of entries here...various comments from various other peoples, and a couple of post remarks in a certain forum....

i like it but at the same time i see it all as very very useless to all of us at this time. the part of me that likes it teases the rest of it out of you.

*sigh* being young and single and trying to pretend we're content with it is sooooo dang difficult. its also difficult to imagine going through the beautiful mess again.

affection is healthy and good

dear boys that are my good friends(you're reading this..and if you arent reading this, im sad),
how i wish that i could stand in front of you each at different times and give you a kiss on the cheek or nose...or possibly forehead.
however, if/when i do find myself standing in front of you, the chances of that happening are about as good as the chance that a mosquito will be hit with a baseball...because im not that bold.
however, the sentiment remains.
these kisses will be transformed into hugs. i promise you that.
love to you.

fallacious is because there is no necessary

picture my slightly outlined blue eyes peering at your from the shade of the brim of this

on my head of short black hair...combined with a white men's-style coton shirt with the sleeves rolled up for coffee work, a long straight black skirt with knee-high slits up each side, black combat-styled boots, and gray angora kneesocks.
when i walked into the coffee shop today someone kissed me.

any thoughts?

as long as i dont know why im staying here, im never going to settle.

everything i own is either in my house...or in one of eleven cleverly labeled boxes.

i'm weighing a delima....or a choice...or an option..call it what you will. its filling most of the space in my head this week.

since ive already talked to all of the important people about it who'd see this...i'll vent about it here, as well.

i'm trying to decide if its wise for me to move away from georgia and to missouri...or not.

my best friend needs a roommate..and we've *always* said we'd live together at some point in our lives. i realised a few months ago that i have no reason NOT to move anyplace when i am given the opportunity..because at the point i'm at in my life...i have that freedom. im not near any of my closest friends...and i have a sort of generic job that doestny realy pay me as much as im worth for all i do...other than the fact that they let me get away with almost anything there. i WANT to know life in other parts of the country. ive lived all across the south...and i want to be somepalce else, if only to say that i have known that.

however..a twist was thrown into this realization when my parents found they were able to move HERE. now im about to be nearer to my mom, dad, and sisters (who are ten yrs old) than ive been in four years...and im considering moving away a few months after they arive? not only moving away..but moving further than an easy day's drive. when i moved here, i moved only 7 hrs away (6 heading east and 8 heading west.) springfield is twice that far. it can be done in a day..but its not an easy day. in moving here, i was moving to a destination of my family already..in that my parents are from here...they easily come visit me with that kind of background for short visits, holidays, to see grandparents. in springfield....id be doing well to see my family once in 6 months, probably...and that would be me comming to them with whatever vacation time i can take from wherever i work.

at first i was facing also that i'd have to move with only what i can load into my car...but that *might* be worked around, in that a good frined of mine is moving to seattle (owns no car) and will already be renting a truck and wants a driving companion for at least part of her trip...i could tow my car and load into a truck with her and kill both birds with one stone, so to speak. that crosses out one of the big "cons" that was on my list against moving.

so...i need to figure out:
1. why do i want to leave so badly?
2. is the expense of moving worth it if i get there and things dont work out and i decide to come back?
3. how dependant am i on my family?

the fact that this could be a temporary move makes things seem even more clear to me, though that might deter some others. 6 to 9 months in a new place might be just the taste i need to know where i belong....or to direct me back to where i was in the first place. i feel guilty for wanting to leave when my family is just getting here...but i've already put in more time in augusta than i ever thought i would to begin with.

i dunno.
pray for me, if thats your thing.

comment with your own pros and cons, for fun.

the picture is to be used more than once

i'd love a digital camera...isnt my blog much more interesting with pictures to go with the posts?

superwoman is the person we are asking ourselves to be

i'm currently wearing my newly altered-to-fit-me-better (read: shortened) Augusta Choral Society dress..it looks much like this...

silly cape and all!
doesnt everybody love how tasteful choir uniforms are?

my least favorite part is...due to my lack of height, the cape goes all the way from my shoulders to almost bellow my waist in the back...sucesfully eclipsing all sense of good and normal shape my body actualy does have...making it appear as though i have complete absence of any waistline.

butterfly is backlit makes it easy to know what the upper wing looks like

i bought a pair of shoes like this yesterday at a closeout store. hooray for these shoes have much cuteness!

life is a drama

on being mentioned:
i caught a climpse of my name in someone's journal entry this morning during church as she was making notes during the sermon. i wasnt being nosey, it was just in my view and i saw the words "becca" and "coffee" on the same line. it was a girl i served coffee to last night when she and some of her family friends came in the shop. she was apparently writting in her journal last night after leaving the shop and saw fit to mention my serving them coffee in her final evening thoughts. seeing that little glimpse made me wonder how many times i get mentioned/thought of in someone's final thoughts for the day...or afternoon venting..or whathaveyou...just for serving a cup of coffee. what might you be mentioned for?

childhood is a sacred time

im not going to waste my time using this entry to complain about how much the internet seems to despise me right now....because it takes so long to get any forms to upload that ive not got the time to waste. i dont know if its comcast, my computer, or just some internet problem.

i was trying to post a comment on cammile's blog about moving away from childnood..but my connection kept stalling and not responding and crap like that..i was also trying to give sweet little vagrant's user notes so they could know they are appreciated..but it wouldnt submit those either. i could as easily be on dialup...ya know?

on growing up and moving past childhood things:
next weekend ill be at my parents current place of residence where i will try to sort out everything i own there into 1.what can be gotten rid of 2. what can come to my house to stay and 3. what needs to be stored till i have a house thats mine. its not going to be an easy weekend because i have a whole room full of stuff there...plus some...and i dont want them to have to move things i realy dont need.
ive been here a year and some months already without need of what is at their house..realy...but i know i have a lot there that i dont want to part with.
also there are things there that i could just toss...or i could take the time to put them up on ebay and make something from them. thing is..i need to store that kind of stuff wisely and move it out in a timely fashion even so..or it will just end up piled up with the other things i wont part with...so i may just trash it or thrift store it anyhow.

black is your coffee?

this evening while sitting in the usual tuesday night augusta choral society rehearsal, i got an urge to dye my hair again. so, as the rehearsal ended, i decided to drive myself to wal-mart and buy some dye. i had a hard time deciding between natural black, or the bluer black....but i chose the later and now am styling lovely black locks. i must say, im more used to the reder blacks for my tones...but ive always been curious what blue-black would look like for me. ill defintely keep it for a while...maybe add some red later.

alas..no digicamera..no pictures.


i also dyed my fingernails and a couple few spots on the ceramic toiletseat.

might be is colossally admired

my day:

7:40am. awake...look at the clock. consider if i have overslept yet. stumble to the bathroom. see roommate during my dazed excusrion. back to bed
8:00am. alarm goes off. hit snooze.
8:10am. alarm again. reset for 8:45
8:43am. awake. look at clock. back to sleep
8:45am. awake. no snooze. no reset. lay in bed for a few more minutes considering my options. hear roommates leave the house.
8:55am. out of bed. strip sheets from bed and toss them in the wash.
9:00am. wait on myself to become coherant while looking at online journals.
9:15am. call my dad to talk to him about the house he found in the newspaper.
9:30am. call daly's house. no answer. hes sleeping still. i knew it.
9:35am. in the bathroom: washing face and brushing teeth while planning my minutes.
9:45am. getting dressed *while* walking around the house colecting things i need like my camera. call daly again. woke him up.
9:50am. out the door.
9:55am. step into R.Gabriels to grab two cups of coffee.
10:02am. pull into daly's driveway. Timber (the dog) runs out the front door to mark all the plants. daly calls timber back inside.
10:05am. in daly's house. he (slowly) gets timber's food and water refilled and edits his coffee with more sugar.
10:07am. we head for the door. daly realises hes not wearing shoes.
10:08am. in my car i discover my gas light is on. i debate when i should get gas.
10:11am. pull into the filling station. daly pumps gas for me.
10:15am. on our way to the house on Mary ave.
10:27am. greeted in whispers by the owner of said house. tour commences. photos are taken. yard is explored. man talks about the savanah river a lot.
10:55am. looks at clock. tries to herd the conversation to a close.
11:00am. still trying to end it.
11:05am. heading back to the car.
11:15am. on the road to daly's house again while discussing the house.
11:20am. drop daly off, call mom and tell her how good it would be for them.
11:26am. realise i meant to go to the grocery store but drove to myse house because i was on the phone. leave driveway again to go to publix.
11:27 habitually turned right when i should have gone left. two blocks later realise that publix is the other way.
11:35am. pull into publix parking lot. stil on the phone with mom.
12:00pm. wandering around the store looking for items that are obscurely found (why arent razors and shave cream on the same shelf???)
12:15pm. check out at publix. end mom conversation.
12:20pm. call jonathan and tell him he neednt come with me to look at any houses. get myself invited to lunch with the guys.
12:40pm. lunch with the guys consits of them picking on jonathan for his girlfriend :\ poor guy.
1:30 back home. time to shower and start my day!

now im clean, ive done a beautiful thing with black and grey eyeliner, and im about to get directions to the They Might Be Giants concert nick and i are attending in ATL tonight.

googlism is not responding

the following is what i can remember from a REALY poorly written goofy song by myself and two chica friends sometime around the year 1997.

"there's a rock in my shoe
and i dont know what to do
because it sounds like coca cola
its so tempting to me
it tastes so sweet
it loks so neat
and its begging me to take a drink!"

(it made no sense when we wrote it while walking around my neighborhood...it makes even less sense today.)
thank you litha and chewy, for this memory.

melissa, im burning the coca cola candle for the first time because its gotten ugly over the years and needs to be used up.

i hope you're both well. havent heard anything about either of you girls in years.

ministry is unbalanced

a rare thing: witnessing rant from becca
this spurted off of a thread in the vagrant cafe..but i didnt realy think my thoughts fit the topic well there...so here they are.

its not our *place* to change anybody.
maybe i'm crazy, but ive always felt a little odd about the whole street witnessing thing and all of that forced spiritual conversation stuff...like beach-reach and all. ive been around parts of it my whole life, and i just dont see the real validity of these sorts of outreach.

ive seen a lot more change from being real with people where you are and where they are and helping them with what they obviously need help with or being their friend. if you havent got any interest in spending time with someone, why should you fake it? it doesnt go unnoticed when the relationship is dropped because a new prospect came into view.

ive seen a lot of christian friends make these "outreach" friendships where they choose someone to "minister to" and spend all sorts of energy inviting them to things and helping them get into the circle of christians and getting to know their problems and giving advice and then sort of dropping them after a little while or after the new friend doesnt become christianeese with everyone. (believe me..i've been the one to drop out before and i never want to be that again..i missed out on an amazing friendship that way) not to say that this sort of thing doesnt work ever..but most of the time intentional relationships of this sort skip the real friendship part, as i see it.

now, maybe im missing a good thing...i wont say its not a good idea to help people start thinking about spiritaul things when they least expect it by bringing it up on the street in a quick conversation or whatever...but please at least be REAL about it. maybe the word "real" is too vague? i dont know what word could work better...

i guess what its bugging me is the people who would rather "minister" on their own terms where its clean and happy and fits their mold...than to build relationships that are capable of getting dirty and hurting and being uncomfortable and unpredictable.

funny, sounds a lot like something everyone talks about but wishes they understood better....love.

quizzila is a fun way to waste time

You're My Little Pony!! Sweet and innocent and
happy, you make people want to spew burrito
chunks. Even a Care Bear could kick your ass.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

hat is tilted

its the middle of the week

i just cooked some food
took a long nap
washed all of our dirty dishes
and ate some cinnamon ice cream

at this moment, nothing is wrong here.

sunday is special

things which make it true....

...another day in which i can dress creatively
...more fun times with michael springstead
...a car that is neater/cleaner than it was before
...a little baby-sized road trip with rebekah
...unwed sailor
...questions in dialect
...new brookland tavern
...music to sort my thoughts to
...coffee to follow up with

becca is uncertain

i dont know...suddenly im realising that more responsibility is being handed to me than i think i want.

im scared to say what i realy want to do and so close to actually doing it. i dont want to do something stupid like throw away a chance for something i might be good at...but i dont know if i need it just now...i dont know that im ready for it.
i dont want to mislead those im around..and i dont want to commit to something half-heartedly.

i wish i knew which to jump toward
what to do?

i think this is what has been on my mind all along.

five is catchy but `home alive' needs a little work

i HATE the mosquito.

i came home.
i sat at my desk.
i got bitten.
i checked my email.
i got bitten again.
i screamed at the creature.
i found another bite.
i saw him on my hand.
i got bitten and missed squashing him.
i kept my eyes open in search if him.
i saw him.
i swated.
i missed again.
i waited.
i spied him on my pinky a second time.
i got bitten.
i swatted.
i missed.
i swatted again.
he died.
it only happened in five minutes.
the end.

roundup is delayed

a couple of weeks ago i bought a jug of roundup for my weed problem. i sprayed the entier perimeter of the weedfilled backyard with as much as i could one afternoon, but couldnt spray it far enough into the center to reach the whole mess.
i resprayed it a couple of days later...then after a week or so, didnt notice much change, so i pourd the leftover weed killer into the area closest to the deck, just to get rid of it. now, a week after that, the perimeter has died off significantly and where i poured the most of it seems to be completely dead. nice! now i just need something that can get to the middle of the mess...concentrated weed killer, a garden hose, and a spray attachment mixing bottle..yes! :)
what i'd LOVE would be a sprinkler that could be attached to a feed line of weed killer and just set that out in the middle of the yard :)

(there is no grass to have worry for)

wanderlust is to gain exposure to another geographical location

i feel myself clinging to anyone who is not here....and it creates unfulfiling relationships all around. its as thought im trying to create my own pull from this place...and i dont know why. the longer im here, the more permanant things seem, and i think im afraid of staying in one place too long. im afraid that if i settle here, i'll never see the things i long to see. i want to not only visit other places..but to actually get to spend some real downtime at them. if you are from anyplace but here, i'll probably try to become your best friend...be careful of that.


i want to move.
i want to stay.
i want to know which is the better option of the two.
i want to know why i want to leave so much.
i want it all and im left with a cup of coffee and a yard full of weeds.

pepsi is alive in our hearts

wal-mart gives people ADD

googlism: my family is indeed the perfect wolfpack family

this morning my dad preached for the congregation at lake park baptist church. after the service, the church voted to call him as their pastor. tonight he preaches the evening service, then the family will spend the week doing a bit of house hunting...his first sunday as their pastor will be on october 24th. gosey's all in one city again...strange? i guess this is today's "home."

nick and myself will continue to go to first pres and stay active in our choir there...i think its a perfect fit for us, at the moment. i havent met dad's new church yet, so im going this evening to hear him and meet some people. i'll fill you in on that later ;)

(it should also be noted that when i was looking up my title for this entry, i also found "my family is considered a little crazy in the coffee producing"...bit opted to not use it just yet)

coffee girl is cute too

i dont know why, but i've taken to wearing eyeliner, mascara, and eyeshadow almost every day, lately

...and my hair is adorably curly yesterday and this morning

coffee girl is still mumbling to herself

i decided to try a more fitting scheme for coffee
...and i kind of like the new blogger templates with their profile options and all.

even though i hate change...

yeah..but i saved the template settings to an html file, just in case i choose to ever go back. i'm a slow let-go :)

coffee girl is not on my links

i need weed killer
i need weed killer for the largest clump of well-nurished weeds you've ever seen in a yard
i need strong weed killer which can be spread over a large area easily...with a garden hose or what-have-you
if i had this, i would be happier
please make me happier

coffee girl is pissing me off

shoes in the dryer are the most annoying thing.

coffee girl is pricelss

for camille


the sun shineth not today
and we all wear grey and black
the universal color of the rain
not the greys of mournful hearts
but of the sky
and of your eyes
and black to hide the stains from puddles

coffee girl is on board

i just realised that september could prove to be a fairly busy month in the life of one who's not been overly busy since college.

at work i'll be keeping the schedule flowing, evaluating trainees, descerning who else can head shifts, learning to share responsibilities with the owners and another manager (my brother?), and working my usual full-time share.

in the rest of my life there will be a significant visit from my family the week of the 10th...in which dad will preach a trial sermon for a church in this area and the congregation will vote on him. if the vote is positive, the family will begin a serious house hunt during their stay that week and will make plans for moving, if not...there will be the disapointment. either way, we'll also be celebrating dad's the twins's, and mom's birthdays that week, as all will have occured within a month.

the 17th a michael springstead will be swinging through augusta on his way to a wedding in savanah. depending on work scheduling and other plans, nick and/or myself may or may not attend the wedding with the springstead on the 18th. we also hope to spend some time with him that sunday, the 19th, and show him our lovely church and church family.

on the evening of the 19th, there is a concert i very much wish to attend in columbia, sc (one hours drive from home) and i believe it starts as early as 5pm...so there may not be quite as much time to spend with springstead as i'd thought..on my part. the concert is Unwed Sailor AND Questions in Dialect...a not-to-be-missed treat i've been waiting for for a couple of years.

that same weekend is the Arts in the Heart of Augusta festivities...and i'd hate to miss catching at least a few hours of that.

these are the joys and conbined woes of a girl who doesnt like to miss out on anything.

coffee girl is a mostly acoustic 10 song collection which displays her genre eclectic style

wow.
yesterday afternoon 8 people caravaned from my house to the fabulous fox theatre for one of the best concert tours i've been assembled.
bela fleck and the flecktones with keller williams and the yonder mountain string band.
i called it the best, not because of the names of the groups together, but because of the way they worked together..they way they shared the stage seamlessly...they way they didnt have to take turns in order to all have their own turn.
the last time i saw the 'tones in new orleans for jazz fest, the collection of "musicians" presented was rather random. they COULDNT have played together even if the idea would have possibly seemed a good one, and they took an eternity to set up and tear down the stage stuff between acts because of the variedness of style. (also, there was a lot more weed at the jazzfest performance)

the day before venturing to this recent showing, i decided to scope out the other two names on the bill in order to prepare myself a little for the show. after just a little smattering of musical clips from these other two artists, i knew that the show had potential to be a very much nicer thing than my previous experience, in that at least they other two names were in the same category as the flecktones to a degree. in my online investigation i found photos from the same tour when it was in chicago..and there were some of bela playing with the yonder mountain band..when i saw that..i knew that this would be a better experience to be had.

throughout the show, members of the 'tones were added here and there to acts..and keller played with everyone..with himself..and with a realy odd little handheld spotlight (that he had way too much fun with in blinding the fans..but it was fun well had, at any rate)
toward the end of the show, a couple of my friends and i meandered upstairs to get a better view (our seats were under the balcony behind some potheads) we stood in the walkway behind the front section of balcony seats and it was a far better view and sound. while we were up there, all 9 musicians of the night played a set together. it was truly amazing. (even though the spotlight guy couldnt keep up with who was soloing where)

all that said...better set conbinations...same flecktones..and less second-handweed made for an amazing experience.

the show ended at midnight.
we got home and to sleep around 3am
i need a shower because i stink like a venue.
(it was a beautiful venue, none the less)

okay..go on now...be jealous. :)

coffee girl is cute too

get OUT of my head.

thank you.

coffee girl is actually at work today

i could write now about how horribly stressed out i am about the chaos which errupted at work on saturday..but that wouldnt be true.
i could scoff at how ironic the last peacefull entry was..but it WAS peacefull and i havent lost that.

you'd think i had.
you'd think this week would be crazy and that i'd be superhumanly busy with trying to cover everyone's duties...but im not.
i'm feeling fairly normal.

to explain..or at least sum up...
the other manager at work quit on saturday...just threw in the towell, so to speak...and informed me i needed to find someone to cover her saturday night shift. sure, it threw my afternoon for a little loop..and i did have to go to work on a night i hadn't planned on it..but it wasnt as horrible a circumstance as i could have imagined it to be.
yesterday at work i tweeked the schedule around to cover her absence for the next two weeks.
the owner came in and did inventroy and went to the store...i didnt realy have to do any more than i normally would, except that i worked a night instead of a morning.

on top of that, my sleep patterns have fallen into a very nice medium. i'm tired before midnight and wake up while its still morning, so im able to get things done before i head to work in the afternoon. this is a good thing.

and, just in case you were wondering...not all packages labeled "Denver, Colorado" come from colorado at all. some of them come from Caledonia, Mississippi.

coffee girl is nice enough to get him coffee

i think i am completely at peace with my life as it is right now...why is that?

this evening i prepared myself a light meal of noodles with stirfried veggies and chicken and decided to sit on my living room floor to enjoy it. the room was dimly lit by one lamp and a couple of asian scented candles. jasmine insence burned on the desk and jessye norman sang beautiful music to me through the cd player. i followed the meal with a cup of green tea.

as i was sitting there in my created ambiance, i realised that absolutely nothing was hindering my state of calm. nothing was in the forefront of my mind. if i looked at the candle, i thought "candle." if i focused on the music, i interpreted the german words i understood. if i looked at my hands holding the teacup, i thought "mmm...tea." and i was completely relaxed and at ease with myself sitting on the floor.

i have no big descisions on the horizon. i have no worries within my relationships. work is going smoothly for the most part. i'll never reach perfection in my persuit of God...but i dont feel worthless in it at the moment. i realise that i dont have to be in augusta forever..and i also realise that for now i am in augusta..and i dont have any reason to try to escape it. i'm where i am...and i'm at peace.

coffee girl is damn lucky to have captured your respect/attention

my highlights of my week in "quotes"

*my nail color is called "gun metal"
no idea why, but ive painted my nails something like 5 times in the last month. they are getting long again. its convenient for opening shrinkwrap.

*the vagrants are planning a "convention"
i was never into groups that have conventions before..now ive got coffee conventions and am hoping to help plan the vagrant convention. yup...im moving into full geekdom and am quite happy to do so.

*tomorrow is "casual friday"
which means i get to stretch my creativity at 5:15 in the morning while assembling an outfit that is not at all my work clothes. being that i can only do this once a week, its a very anticipated event.

i gave my room a decent cleaning (unpacked finally, put away three loads of clean laundry, went through a few months worth of stacked up mail and papers...)

launch is now playing frank zappa-billy the mountain. its one of the longest things ive ever heard and freaking hillarious..but aweful at the same time. "billy was a mountain, ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder"

i'm enjoying a flavor sensation my tounge, teeth, lips, and throat havent experienced in quite a long time...crushed melon jones soda. my jones soda cap says "working life will become more varied. try some new ideas"

fer, i found the newspaper i meant to bring you...i'll mail it soon as i get a large envelope in my hands. "i gave him the money...he acted real funny..he hacked up a rock and he totaled my car..i dont wanna stand here all night in this bar"

do you kids realise i havent said a WORD about our vacation? "ethel, we're going on a vacation.." geeze..im such a loser.
nick posted a long entry about it though, so go read his journal..its linked to the left, there. he even made a map..so he deserves your attention. "im glad we could have a vacation this year"

im back now, though
work is going well.
im trying to collect my thoughts on everything there and get everything running as best as it can. we're focusing on training a lot and im gradually moving into the head manager position, phasing in all the ordering and shopping and stuff as the other manager is going to be quiting soon to have a baby and be a mom.
and im not afraid of it.

Napoleon Dynamite

my roommate decided today that its not worth it for her to pay internet anymore
i think i'll decide its not worth it for me to pay cable anymore

seriously...though
if we didnt have cable TV, i wouldnt miss it. i grew up without it. i dont realy "love" any of the 23 stations we get now, anyhow.

but...do i "love" cable internet?
:/

if i suggest we drop cable totally..that would be cool...i think. i could get one of the $10 a month dialup plans and just use internet spuraticaly (do i even have a modem on this thing? no idea!)...or i could keep paying cable internet, jen and carrie could keep paying cable tv..and everyone could just split the bill oddly that way....

no idea how well that would fly

OR i could drop internet totally, get a better phone plan, and keep in touch with everyone through real voice!
too bad that doesnt work out so well,. with most everyone i keep up with also using cell phones and such....would cost them and me both...so whats the use?

in case anyone missed the memo...im out of bounds this week.
nick and myself left on monday for what i have dubbed "the greatest vagrantfilled roadtrip 2004"
we stopped in atlanta to visit the michael of rodericks...then after a lunch at the french cafe, we continued on to columbus, ms to stay with the family of springsteads. (many thanks for the use of the couches)
on tuesday we got a late morning start and headed for springdale, ar where we stayed with audra, girlfriend of billy. we also saw richard, husband of sarah while there. he's on a job with the new lowes, helping set it up. after a dinner of taco bell, billy had to go to work...audra and us hung out for a while, then we slept..audra went to work in the am on wednesday and billy returned home to spend time with us..but, sadly, wasnt feeling his best from lack of sleep. after some rest on his part, we were given a little sight-seeing drive and then went on our way to bolivar, mo. here we are in bolivar with fersis. yesterday we ventured out to springfield to the mudhouse coffee and tea co. nice place..ive made notes for myself about what i like there. after dallying around the city a little, we returned home to the barn in bolivar and this morning i went to the daily grind coffee shop while fer got her hair cut down the street from it. afterwhich, scrabble commenced. now we're in the barn again and im eating cantelope that is amazing.
ive spoken with darin and dharma of the 007 clan in tulsa, ok...and also have made plans with lemuel. well all meet there tomorrow and im excited. ive met neither the 007s, nor lem..and have wanted to for many moons.
we've got raes digits and hope to rendevous with his family on sunday evening before we return to georgia for life as usual and work as early as ever.

to everyone ive seen and will see this trip...much love and blessings...to everyone i love that im unable to visit on this trek, many appologies. come find me.

how can you make me a mix cd and then never ask for my address?

tomorrow is my last day...
my last day to pack and do laundry
my last day to clean out the fridge
my last day to track down a couple of speaker wires
my last day to make sure everyone is going to show up and be where i need them
my last day to figure out where they are supposed to be
my last day to worry about if its going to work or not
my last day to be stressed out over this
my last day to pray against the rain and for the clouds

yeah..it all falls together the day after tomorrow
and the day after that i leave town to let them pick up all of the pieces

as i promised chris lovely...the update i posted on vagrant..copied here to my blog...also a link to Fire.

coffee girl is emerging on the scene throughout the nation

---

i post a lot of little things here and there..but i havent gotten very deep here lately...so here's some window of what im doing right now

in case youve forgotten, i still love coffee shops. the concept drives me to want to keep the concept thriving. im a complete coffee geek, and embrace it gladly. (though rae has points over me)

the coffee shop ive been working at for the last year celebrates its one year birthday this saturday. i stuck my neck out and offered that we should have a big party for the occasion, and thus was dubbed director of said party...begins the freaking out. so for the last few months, ive been terrified of missing something important in this..while working 5 days a week 5:45am to around 3:00 most days (hours which are not convenient for party planning, mind you...and work is too busy to do much else besides making drinks while working anyhow)
but without fail, this event will take place on saturday. we'll have live music for about 8 hrs of the day...free food and sodas..kids stuff like one of those spacewalks and facepainting...and just hopefully a good time for anyone who comes. and we hope EVERYONE comes...dangit!
the scarey stuff is...weve had some stormy weather this week and its predicted to continue through the weekend..and this is an outdoor gig.
if youre the sort, toss up a prayer for my sanity, the weather, and an overall good time.

ive got some good job security there...they trust my judgment and give me more responsibility than i think i can handle...and then i fly with it. its not that i can get away with anything, its that they know i wont do anything they'd disaprove of without good reason. i enjoy having that kind of credibility.

in other news, nick and myself are taking a road trip immediately after the coffee gig. we're driving sunday up toward springfield missouri to see jennylynne, then the following weekend we're heading over to tulsa to meet up with some other vagrants like the 007s, guardian and audra, lemuel, whomever else comes up in the mix. im realy excited about seeing fer again..its been too long. and i havent even met the 007s and lem yet...much much long waitedness there. i saw billy and audra a few months ago..but more time with them will be awesome. dangit, i used to see that billy kid multiple times a week, and now this months and years between sightings? no sir.

im excited about the trip..and between anticipation of it, and trying to get everything collected for the coffee shop birthday event...im kind of scattered! :)

a month or so ago i was asking here for advice on where to move next, and i have had to put all thoughts of that aside till this is all over. i cant think about moving while planning so much already...but i bet as soon as i get to missouri, ill be rolling thoughts around again about it. thats me.

hrm...otherwise...the week i return from the road trip, i audition for the augusta choral society (i havent thought of anything to sing yet...oops) and i think church choir rehearsals begin again. i'll also have to hire one or two new people at the coffee shop...and train them..and complete the training of our newest....and hope that everything hasnt gome to shambles while i was absent. weee!

why are they called flyers if you dont actually make them areodynamic? with the exception of that scene in 10 things i hate about you where they dropped handfulls of flyers down the stairwells, i've never realy seen a flyer do what its name implies...and fly.

anyhow..i've been designing a "flyer" for the rgabriels birthday bash which takes place next freaking saturday wow!
i realy cant beleive we're already to that point...but i do think its going to happen. it would happen even better if i could convince these flyers to take wing, though. that is the sort of gimic we need to attract a crowd.

success! the entire sticker that seals this new cd came off in one piece!
i love it when a plan works!
(cd=bela fleck and the flecktones: st...for only 8.99)

hey nick...


look familiar? if that's not full of some memories, i dont know what is.

yay! there is a God and His name is love and He manifests Himself within His people!
....aka-my brother just cleared much of the horrible weeds from my yard for me!

now we're going to eat quesedilias

recents...

watched: dream for an insomniac...twice yesterday
sang: sousa, rutter, and handel
heared: my roommate singing to whatever pop cd shes listening to while doing dishes, ella and louis in my speakers
drove: to work and back with the AC off..even though its one of the hottest days of the summer
spoke with: anna grace and jason about playing at the coffee shop soon
ate: a sandwich from work
enjoied: iced coffee...because the movie reminded me i like it black this way
spent: $3 on two bottles of Snapple ellements "fire"

if you'd please look to your left, you'll notice new updated links. please do enjoy.

here i am.
the drive was realy good. i expected to be horribly tired...but though i'd worked all morning and afternoon, and couldnt leave augusta till about 4...i didnt get tired on the 7 hr drive. of course, i played lots of mix cds..and then made phone calls after 9 in order to keep myself awake. (thanks peter)

haley's comming to see me tonight and tomorrow. i was giving her directions while trying to navigate myself back onto the interstate from a pitstop. i *hope* she was able to understand me despite the odd pauses caused by me trying to remember things i havent done in a while AND figure out where im going. wee! its all good. shes bringing scrabble!

springstead said he might be able to meet us up in meridian tomorrow after church. that would be so good. yup. haleybelle , michael d springstead, and the coffee girl. woo!

my family is doing well. mom's staying busy trying to prevent dad from doing more than he's supposed to. last night he had a notion that he could help move furniture in the living room..but i think it was all just to make mom do her panic thing and entertain him a bit. i brought dad a couple of books and over a doizen movies to keep him occupied for a few weeks.

bubye, now

hey kids!
dad's home again as of yesterday...
so tomorrow evening or saturday morning i plan to make a trek over to butler, AL to visit my family for a couple of days.
im just throwing this out there so any of you sort of nearby can consider saying hello to me in passing or whatever ;)

in one month i'll be visiting my fersis...wow :)

this evening i drove home
westward
toward the falling sun
clouds threatened audible
thunder
as i pressed forward
drawn into the magic glow
for the first time in my memory
i saw the sunset in the rain

imagine the greyest rainy day
soaked streets
busy with traffic
and the golden orange glow
combined with a sunset
more than pictureesque

i've never seen it...or imagined

greyst gloom
kissed with gold
and i'm pulled into this
majestic color scheme
faster than i ought to be
amid the falling steams
yet safe

and afterward
all's wet
and grey
and gold
and lighter
as it fades into night

today went fine. daddy got through the surgery without a hitch and is in recovery now. he is probably starting to wake by now. he'll be off the ventelator tomorrow and will spend about 7 days in the hospital..then another 5 weeks or so recovering at home.

mom's stying at home with the twins tonight..but tomorrow the twins are staying with church members through the day and the same neighbors they stayed with last night again tomorrow night. they did okay staying there last night..but had a little bit of trouble sleeping. (my sisters havnt spent much time sleeping away from mom and dad..much less when things are all a bit uncertain and scary for them)

i'm doing fine. ive seen a lot scarier things in my family..like when christina was born and we thought she was going to be gone from us on the first day...and every day after that was sort of uncertain. dads this time was only a problem being fixed..that we knew could be fixed..and we now know is fixed. it stands as a reminder that dad wont be with me forever...but it also means ive got him for today..and i've had him for the last 22 years.

-daddy-

yesterday:
"my dad's been having chest pains for a couple of weeks now and this morning he went in for an appointment with his chardiologist..and found out the nurse had told him the wrong day, and he'd actually missed his appointment by two days, his doctor wasnt in today. however, dad was having pains when he arrived at the hospital for the appt....so they suggested he go ahead and get checked out in the ER. so, he spent the day getting tests and and all that unfun stuff..and they are keeping him overnight. if they dont find anything, he'll go home tomorrow. if they do find blockage, they'll operate and he'll spend a second night at the hospital.

i talked to him a couple of times this evening..he said theyve kept him busy with blood work and shots and junk...he seems to have a good attitude about it all. he told me on the phone that he remembers his father had open heart surgery at the age my father is now.

just toss up a prayer, if you will. my dad's in his 50's, but i dont think of him as old enough to be having stuff like this become a problem...he's got nine year olds at home, even.

thanks,
becca"

Today:
"well,
they found blockage that couldnt be repaired with stints, so they are having to perform a bypass tomorrow morning..should be a 3 hr or so surgury. his surgeon said that dads in the best health he's treated this way, so thats good. everything looks up. mom's staying with him at the hospital tonight, the twins are staying with the neighbors. surgury should begin around 7:15 am cst.
dad will likely be in the hospital still another 5 to 7 days..and may not be able to fill the pulpit at his church for a couple of weeks."

i'll post more updates as i know things....still feels kind of distant and surreal to me. hopefully it wont ahve to settle in as a reality....everything will just be fine?

thanks to my praying friends and to everyone who's been checking up on him.

three day weekend!
i'm off work july 10, 11, and 12
and im monring on the 9th....so its 3 nights and 3 days

i need to GO SOMEPLACE!
who (within reasonable driving distance) wants me :) ?

i can conjure up ideas and visions all my own
dreams i'd see unfolding as i'd mold them.
i can stay or go on whim or wind
and watch the pieces all fall in
but who's to say that's how its set in motion?
frustrated with the way things feel
changed plans, spilled bottles, a climb uphill
and wanting to feel better
escape seems welcome
but i know that's not the way i'll settle
so numbly i sit on this floor
and feel my heart pound lightly
mouth meekly whispers truths i'm sure
and promises not broken yet held coldly
pretended patience vows i'll wait
for clarity and open sight
of where i'm lead to next
in my flight towards the change

ARGH!!

im a little frustrated with my responsibilities at the moment..and the one who gives them to me.
so im suddenly told that downsizing the one year celebration isnt the thing we're going to do...that i've got 6 times the budget i was first told...i should do outdoors with a flatbed truck for a stage, an inflatable jumping thing for kids, catering, on sight radio spots from a couple of stations..etc...etc...etc...and tshirts.....and all of this with only a little over a month to plan? i could have done sooo much with this if id known when you told me the first effing number!
*grumble*growl*

with great power comes great responsibility....

i realy am in the mix!
its true! theres a picture and everything! he wasnt just a random stalker! :)

hrm...well..as of tonight i have three musicians booked for the birthday bash...what was i dreading? no idea!
now ive got to come up with a realy awesome flyer design to attract happy people (maybe not shiney ones)

...and, just so you know, this place is gonna get a redo soon...i can sense it.
ive many a new journal link to add, and many a link to edit so it works properly, too.
should i change colors? i dunno yet.

ever feel like things arent as easy as you had planned them to be?
im supposed to be tossing together a realy cool one year birthday party for the coffee shop come the end of july...and i was given a meer 500 in my budget...but i wanted to use that budget to get a musician who was worth drawing a crowd in and kind of being a little bit more than what people have come to expect from our weekend entertainment.
who can i get for under $500? i dunno

also, my insides are churning up a storm right now and have been working on that for the last 3 or 4 hours...on top of the fact that whatever someone cooked in the kitchen tonight has a lingering "wash me soon!" sort of scent...and im super sleepy...going to bed. tomorrow i'll feel better

and maybe tomorrow i'll have a clue about who to book for july 31st?

im gonna be in the mix!
metro spirit does a write up about area servers and people of the community every week...and today a guy walked in to take my picture for it! yay!
so, soon my cell phone will ring and a metro reporter will interview me with odd personality questions like "what is your favorite after school snack" and various other unknown randomnesses. i'm happy
ill scan the little thing when it hits the racks next week so all of you can see:)

i dont know what to do with this...
i want to say things i cannot form into words
i wish to not need these things said
because theyd be known already
and i cant sleep
not because of this
but alongside it
and beneath it
and surrounded
but its a beautiful night for sleeping
raining and thundery
like nights i remember

here comes a whole load of brain-storm spew.....

okay..absolutely convinced that im not opening my coffee shop here in augusta. this is good news! i KNOW something specific now! (one not helps narrow things down by about 2%)

this week a realy cool coffee shop opened on the same block as the miller theatre spot that i was considering. that block was the only block that i ever considered a good place for one to start, and its taken now by what i believe will last as a coffeeshop. its a franchise (not a chain..meaning the owner gets to call his own shots) and its in a realy good location. the vision looks a bit more in line with what a downtown coffee shop should be than r gabriels (since r gabs isnt downtown, good for them) the owner was the first employee of the original store in the franchise, so i know he's pretty passionate about the business.. (sound familiar?) they have a lovely decor, (almost the same colors i'd use, actually) and the staff is super friendly.
so..today i felt like that door closed on me and it helped open up a lot of freedom to look elsewhere. i could talk to this new coffee shop owner and find out what it takes to do a franchise of the place, or i could just learn from what i see there, and think about where i should go next.
i've been considering my next location for a couple of weeks now...still no certainties..but i feel like a move might be looming in the near future.
there's a realy good possibility that i could move to winston-salem, NC with Fer in January...she's planning to go to school there...and we've often talked about living someplace together at some point. its a college town that i know has a few coffee shops..i havent visited the place yet, but i'm open to the idea so far. another reason january sticks out as a good time to transition, is that it would allow me to complete a season of christmas concerts with the choirs im getting involved with (first pres chancel choir and the augusta choral society) and i'd have been manager status for over a year at my first coffee job. also, one of my housemates is considering moving to seminary in either january or next fall..and my other housemate is also considering moving out to live with her parents again for a while to save money.
things are starting to look rather pointed rather fast...at least to a location change. i'm still waiting for clarity on the specific location, i could hav a whole new turn of events by next week saying i should move to montana or germany or who knows :)
(actually, jen, the first mentioned housemate, has a friend whos working a missions intership for a year helping students in germany learn english while working in a christian coffeehouse...what? yeah..i told jen to find me some info on that, too)

anyhow..mocha delites is my new away-from-work coffee hang out where i can brainspew:)

so...if you were my coffee shop, where would you want to be?

factors to consider:
a. climate: cold enough for coffee to do well, not so cold that this southern belle/cajun mixed girl turns into an ice cube.
b. "cool" aspects of the place. (artsy minded community, enough room for another coffee shop, a growing "downtown" area in which i could exist, music music music!)
c. cost of living: where i am now is cheap, but its got too many coffee shops for the climate already
d. the place where i'll meet the man of my dreams

so...if my friend, jason, and i were going to perform one friday or saturday evening at the coffee shop, what should we sing?
its already a given that we'll do a few caedmon's works since the both of us love the sound of those.

i request that each of you submit a list (in comments) of up to 5 of your choices...besides caedmons.

and now its time for a post about
The Camping Trip

a month or two ago the girls bible study that meets in my house decided to take an all girls camping excursion. (being encouraged by the fact that some of us have camped more than once in our lives, and there is one girl, sam, who is quite the out door survivalist)
in planning the trip, we decided camping at the beach would be the most fun for all involved. we made our plans to camp two nights at edisto island state park in south carolina...about 3 hours from augusta. sam called ahead to find out details and see about reserving us a spot..but the park wouldnt take a reservation, but assured us they wouldnt be filled and would have an overflow area available. so..when we arrived at the grounds on friday evening, the sites were all filled and there were NOT any overflow options at all. of course. so now we've got three vehicals, 7 girls, and no place to sleep for the night on an island with one grocery store and one gas station and no empty camping spots. we prayed about it and brainstormed a lot and ended up driving around the neighborhoods of rental houses hoping to find a good spot to stop for the evening...no idea what we'd do realy. we found a nice dead end street surrounded by rental houses and parked at the end where we'd not be on any private property and wouldnt realy be discovered...and we decided to sleep there in our cars and enjoy the beach the following day, then go ahead home on saturday night instead of setting up camp for only one night when we'd have to leave in the morning on sunday anyhow. saturday morning we awoke after actually having slept fairly well, started the cars, and drove back to the state park. the beach was enjoyable. perfect weather--not too hot to be happy out of the water and not too cool to enjoy getting wet. everyone got too much sun on some part of their body. we each got to talk to girls in the group whom we didnt know well before. everyone got along fine and stress-free dispite the complete loss of planning we were dished.

here's a tip: just because you've never remembered being sunburnt on your legs before..dont skip putting sunscreen on them..thats the day they will burn the worst. ouch!

mmmm...comming home in the evening to take a nice warm shower before sleep....what could make this less relaxing?
i'll tell you what-finding a cockroach behind your shampoo bottle!!!

at the moment of my discovery, my roommate was using the potty and she thought my scream was from her flushing the toilet. soon as she was out of the room, i grabbed my robe and exited to find the roommate's boyfriend and beg him to handle the situation....which he did, so kindly.

bleh.
on the to-do list:
buy roach trap things.
spray the bathroom corners and window sills well with roach spray.

A Mothers' Day entry:

my mom is amazing.
i was telling my little sisters the other day about how cool she is. i think it started with a discussion about how much getting ears pierced can hurt and how my little sister, catherine, said she never wants to get hers done. so i made sure to tell catherine and christina that our mother is the best because she wont ever force a girl to shave her legs, wear makeup, or get her ears pierced. she let me decide all of that in my own time.
my mom is the queen of being herself, and she's beautiful at it. she helped me grow up completely confident that I'm okay just as i am. She somehow molded me into something that isnt a mess.
she's amazing with the family finances, even though there've never been a lot there. having less makes it even more of a challenge to ballance.
she keeps a clean house that isnt so clean no one feels comfortable in it, but its still spotless.
she welcomes everyone.
she encourages her kids to do what they are interested in, even if she has no idea how to do it herself, she'll find a way for that kid to learn whatever it is. even if it means learning it first herself.
shes good at gently letting go as we grow up. she gives as much as we need when we need it and doesnt cling more than is important...just enough to let us know she's there for whatever we need.
she's got amazing faith. ive seen her walk headfirst into many a scary day. ive known her prayers many a night before.
shes organized.. theres no way to survive without it in a house of 2 college graduates, 2 third graders, a pastor, a dog, various fish, houseplants, coo-coo-clocks, bunnies, and sometimes kittens... thats a lot of feeding, cleaning, watering, calling, writing, paying for, writing for, loving...and she has more to spare.
i love my mom. i dont know how i'll ever do as much for the family i hope to have as she's done for ours.