Friday, October 29, 2004

aol is relearning its abcs

this evening after work i made a stop by the grocery store rather than heading home directly, because we were out of some important items in our little house (ie: toilet paper)
as i was making my way through the store, an asian-american young woman approached me from behind and said very politely "excuse me...i was just wondering...are you a member of AOL?" i was confused. i answered "" and then she went on in her own direction. that was the end of it. she didnt have any sort of survey clipboard with her...she didnt seem to be trying to sell me anything..i have NO idea what that was. i didnt see her in the store any more afterward, either. *shrugs*

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

dreaded is one that is spoken only in whispers

ive been reading on the internet about dreadlocks for the last hour or so...i think id love them..but i also like the variety of fun i can have with my hair in its free state.
so, im reading and realising/discovering that it is a LOT of trouble to get them started and wait for them to get realy set....which is good...keeps me from jumping into it spuradicly like i do so many other things (have i mentioned that my hair is jet-black now and i randomly gagued my ears last year when i was supposed to be packing to move?) dreads for me at this time....but it has been a REALY long time since i braided my locks....hrm....

no. for now im just going to sit here and drink my warm mug of green jasmine tea.

hidden is unusual not only because it is rare

thoughts on things around me i couldnt see....

my room is messy.
its been pretty bad ever since i started trying to "clean" it of extra junk. i bagged up a bunch of stuff to get rid of and never got it out to my car to take to a thrit store or dump.
a week after that, i got stuff from my parents' house...which i plan to put in the boxes it is already in..under my bed.
but i thought my parents were to be taking my trumdle out from under my bad last week...and they arent
so now i need to get the trundle out..and put the stuff under.

i didnt see that there were clothes all over my room ....over the bedframe, hanging on the chair, in three baskets, and on the foot of my bed...which needed to be put in the closet.

i didnt see that id completely stopped keeping my closet in its usual order.....things were disjuncted...sleeved shirts were next to pants were next to tank tops were next to shirts and various other misconstrusions (i should have put that word it a word at all?) and thats not normal for me.

i didnt see that my dresser was covered in makeup products that i dont even use on a daily basis....just pulled out from a rush to get ready one morning or afternoon or something

i didnt notice that i hadnt listened to any variety of music in my house in a long time. all music has been car music..and the cd player started acting funny last road trip, so car music ahs been tapes and radio. i think i try to be too polite at home and just dont listen to anything so it wont bother any of the house mates...though theyve never complained.

i didnt see that it is so amazing when the ashes from a stick of insence all fall on the tray made to catch them...and oh the lovely aroma of it, too.

Monday, October 25, 2004

im at grandmas now and its a funny story as to why im here
well...doing laundry, essentially

heres some background to the story
when we moved into the house my roommates and i currently occupy, there was a washer and dryer there..from previous occupants. the dryer works great but the washer is kinda goofy in that the dial is completely never know where its set so you just guess and start...and as soon as you think you understand it, the wheel turns and you dont know anymore. so we were on the lookout for something more dependable when our friend Daly remembered that he had a washer stored at someones house not being daly lets us use his washer till we can get another one or till he needs his back or whatever...(the house where it was is a house that many guys move in and out of frequently...its a college ministry house sort of daly had lived there and moved out but didnt take everything with him yet)
so now for 6 months or so weve happily been using dalys washer...but on saturday night i get a call at work from daly. he says
"i have a involves you..and you arent going to like it."
"uh oh"
i say. turns out dalys washer hed lent us WASNT his washer at all and the guy who realy owns it needed it back on saturday night so he could move...someone else had given DALYs washer away previously! i tried saying "well, you gave HIS away, too!" but daly's too honest and had already explained to the guy wha thte situation was.
so as of two days ago we're out of a washer...though we do still have the other one in the basement if we get desperate..and find people to help us move it upstairs (ahem...daly) good news is, a guy who helped daly move "his" out of our house says HE has one we can use till august. we'll hopfully get that before next week
we have a GREAT dryer, though!

as tom described it "This is further proof that fact is stranger than fiction."

Thursday, October 21, 2004

becca is a choir snob..look out!

i love rehearsing more than one night a week
i love singing for two hours after a long day of not being musical
i love being SILENT after the piece ends (ahem...everyone, please?)
i love when i can see the director
i love when, once ive been placed where i can see, i watch him (ahem...everyone?)
i love when i dont guess the pitches
id love it if you stopped leaning toward me in attempt to glean my musician ship as your own while you sing a tiny bit behind me and find the pitch a fraction of a second after i sing it...that is not realy how this thing works. but otherwise, i love it all already!

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

this morning someone told me i seemed stressed out...but i dunno if i am.

im tired, as previously mentioned...but is that perhaps also stress-related?

i tend to never notice that im getting stressed till im already there....having it pointed out to me.

ever since she said that, ive been trying to be realy careful to not let my discontent with not being in bed away from here affect the way i treat everyone who comes in the door. im trying to not wish theyd stop driving up to the drive through one after the other while the rest of them line up at the counter...but i REALY want to just sit here and eat my apple slices and push the hands of the clock closer to 2:30...and then go home and put on a movie while i sleep on the couch on this rainy sleepy afternoon.
im at work. its about all i can do to keep my eyes open right now. if there werent customers in here at this probably shut them for a couple of minutes.

see the time stamp on my last entry? yeah...i went to bed about an hour following that..and woke at 4:45. im TIRED.

dear bed,
i miss you dearly. lets spend some time together this afternoon after i get off work.
missing you,

Monday, October 18, 2004

voice is all you have

relating to the previous couple of entries here...various comments from various other peoples, and a couple of post remarks in a certain forum....

i like it but at the same time i see it all as very very useless to all of us at this time. the part of me that likes it teases the rest of it out of you.

*sigh* being young and single and trying to pretend we're content with it is sooooo dang difficult. its also difficult to imagine going through the beautiful mess again.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

affection is healthy and good

dear boys that are my good friends(you're reading this..and if you arent reading this, im sad),
how i wish that i could stand in front of you each at different times and give you a kiss on the cheek or nose...or possibly forehead.
however, if/when i do find myself standing in front of you, the chances of that happening are about as good as the chance that a mosquito will be hit with a baseball...because im not that bold.
however, the sentiment remains.
these kisses will be transformed into hugs. i promise you that.
love to you.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

fallacious is because there is no necessary

picture my slightly outlined blue eyes peering at your from the shade of the brim of this

on my head of short black hair...combined with a white men's-style coton shirt with the sleeves rolled up for coffee work, a long straight black skirt with knee-high slits up each side, black combat-styled boots, and gray angora kneesocks.
when i walked into the coffee shop today someone kissed me.

any thoughts?

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

as long as i dont know why im staying here, im never going to settle.

everything i own is either in my house...or in one of eleven cleverly labeled boxes.

i'm weighing a delima....or a choice...or an it what you will. its filling most of the space in my head this week.

since ive already talked to all of the important people about it who'd see this...i'll vent about it here, as well.

i'm trying to decide if its wise for me to move away from georgia and to missouri...or not.

my best friend needs a roommate..and we've *always* said we'd live together at some point in our lives. i realised a few months ago that i have no reason NOT to move anyplace when i am given the opportunity..because at the point i'm at in my life...i have that freedom. im not near any of my closest friends...and i have a sort of generic job that doestny realy pay me as much as im worth for all i do...other than the fact that they let me get away with almost anything there. i WANT to know life in other parts of the country. ive lived all across the south...and i want to be somepalce else, if only to say that i have known that.

however..a twist was thrown into this realization when my parents found they were able to move HERE. now im about to be nearer to my mom, dad, and sisters (who are ten yrs old) than ive been in four years...and im considering moving away a few months after they arive? not only moving away..but moving further than an easy day's drive. when i moved here, i moved only 7 hrs away (6 heading east and 8 heading west.) springfield is twice that far. it can be done in a day..but its not an easy day. in moving here, i was moving to a destination of my family that my parents are from here...they easily come visit me with that kind of background for short visits, holidays, to see grandparents. in be doing well to see my family once in 6 months, probably...and that would be me comming to them with whatever vacation time i can take from wherever i work.

at first i was facing also that i'd have to move with only what i can load into my car...but that *might* be worked around, in that a good frined of mine is moving to seattle (owns no car) and will already be renting a truck and wants a driving companion for at least part of her trip...i could tow my car and load into a truck with her and kill both birds with one stone, so to speak. that crosses out one of the big "cons" that was on my list against moving.

so...i need to figure out:
1. why do i want to leave so badly?
2. is the expense of moving worth it if i get there and things dont work out and i decide to come back?
3. how dependant am i on my family?

the fact that this could be a temporary move makes things seem even more clear to me, though that might deter some others. 6 to 9 months in a new place might be just the taste i need to know where i belong....or to direct me back to where i was in the first place. i feel guilty for wanting to leave when my family is just getting here...but i've already put in more time in augusta than i ever thought i would to begin with.

i dunno.
pray for me, if thats your thing.

comment with your own pros and cons, for fun.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

the picture is to be used more than once

i'd love a digital camera...isnt my blog much more interesting with pictures to go with the posts?

superwoman is the person we are asking ourselves to be

i'm currently wearing my newly altered-to-fit-me-better (read: shortened) Augusta Choral Society looks much like this...

silly cape and all!
doesnt everybody love how tasteful choir uniforms are?

my least favorite part is...due to my lack of height, the cape goes all the way from my shoulders to almost bellow my waist in the back...sucesfully eclipsing all sense of good and normal shape my body actualy does have...making it appear as though i have complete absence of any waistline.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

butterfly is backlit makes it easy to know what the upper wing looks like

i bought a pair of shoes like this yesterday at a closeout store. hooray for these shoes have much cuteness!

Sunday, October 03, 2004

life is a drama

on being mentioned:
i caught a climpse of my name in someone's journal entry this morning during church as she was making notes during the sermon. i wasnt being nosey, it was just in my view and i saw the words "becca" and "coffee" on the same line. it was a girl i served coffee to last night when she and some of her family friends came in the shop. she was apparently writting in her journal last night after leaving the shop and saw fit to mention my serving them coffee in her final evening thoughts. seeing that little glimpse made me wonder how many times i get mentioned/thought of in someone's final thoughts for the day...or afternoon venting..or whathaveyou...just for serving a cup of coffee. what might you be mentioned for?

childhood is a sacred time

im not going to waste my time using this entry to complain about how much the internet seems to despise me right now....because it takes so long to get any forms to upload that ive not got the time to waste. i dont know if its comcast, my computer, or just some internet problem.

i was trying to post a comment on cammile's blog about moving away from childnood..but my connection kept stalling and not responding and crap like that..i was also trying to give sweet little vagrant's user notes so they could know they are appreciated..but it wouldnt submit those either. i could as easily be on dialup...ya know?

on growing up and moving past childhood things:
next weekend ill be at my parents current place of residence where i will try to sort out everything i own there into 1.what can be gotten rid of 2. what can come to my house to stay and 3. what needs to be stored till i have a house thats mine. its not going to be an easy weekend because i have a whole room full of stuff some...and i dont want them to have to move things i realy dont need.
ive been here a year and some months already without need of what is at their house..realy...but i know i have a lot there that i dont want to part with.
also there are things there that i could just toss...or i could take the time to put them up on ebay and make something from them. thing is..i need to store that kind of stuff wisely and move it out in a timely fashion even so..or it will just end up piled up with the other things i wont part i may just trash it or thrift store it anyhow.