Friday, November 12, 2004

I’ve been trying to figure it out for months now.
"what?" you ask?
I’ve had this looming feeling that something needs to change..that i need to relocate or reorder or redefine...something about my life..and i havent figured out yet what it is...but its on the verge of making me feel rather miserable. tonight im sitting here in my room with a knot in my chest because i don’t exactly know what i want from life or to put into life...and i feel as thought if i only knew what it is im supposed to change..that the knot would shrink and I’d feel a little less displaced.
did you hear that? i feel displaced..or misplaced..or at least not where im supposed to stay.
i consider sometimes saving up all my extra money by eating only the cheapest things and selling everything i don’t my two weeks at work after I’ve saved what I’ve figured is enough to last me a little bit..and then hitting the road to find something..or at least change what im doing and live a little more...and maybe I’d find myself someplace i feel placed.
i guess where im at now feels safe..and it feels like it *could* stay this way for a while and I’d survive...but i don’t feel EXCITED about it. i miss being excited about where i am and what I’m doing there. and im so not excited that it brings me to tears to realize it.

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