Sunday, August 25, 2002

i've been keeping myself pretty occupied with non-computer things this week..its good for me..but i do miss talking to you..and you..and you.

we've almost got everything in place in the new appartment. i painted a cartoon of the four of us to hang on our kitchen wall:)
i'm working on remembering my schedule and getting things done in time for classes..i hate starting out feeling i'm trying to avoid that.
i have a lot of reading to do for school.

i'm working on order of focus.
i want to find some way to have time for:
knowing God.
taking care of my body and getting back into the clothes i own.
book work (assignments, readings, etc)
music actaully for my major, my senior recital.
other outlets: painting, guitar, drawing, writing.
and knowing people.

yeah..thats where i'm at now..i think.
i didnt realy think this out much...but i'm about to walk out the door it will have to do.

Friday, August 16, 2002

this is my last night officially living in the appartment with the guys.
i move back to campus tomorrow.
this is the last time i'll move to that campus.
i'm so very excited to be moving back to school.
i cant remember ever missing people so much.
i think i learned a lot last year about people.
i think i was too absorbed in myself and my own time to see them in previous years.
i miss the times last year when people would come see me in the listening lab..and we'd just talk..for hours.
i invested time in people
i invested words in people
i invested hugs in people.
i wont neglect those things.
i refuse to.
i will make more times..more memories like this.

It feels like every year gets better
i cant imagine what this year will bring...
and i almost feel bad for finishing in 4 years..
maybe that 5thyear could hold even more for me.
of course, it will hold a lot for me..just a lot of completely new things.
non school things.

i dont have a clue what my life is going to look like on may 18th.
i have a pretty good idea what i'll be doing with most of my time between now and then.
i know what classes i must take.
i know generally when those classes meet and who will be in them with me.
but i dont have any idea what the otherside of may 17th will be like.

i dont know where i'll live.
i dont know where i'll work.
i dont know who i'll invest my time in.
i dont know who i'll depend on for hugs from day to day...week to week.

i'm starting to see it like a christmas gift.
wrapped by the one who loves me more than i can ever imagine.
i know its going to be something wonderful.
i just can't yet know what it will be.
i'm anxious for it.
i keep playing guessing games with him,
hoping he'll let some of the secret slip.

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

i wanted to separate these thoughts from the previous entry...

the other day i was thinking about tears.
they are strange things.
i understand that the purpose of liquid in the eye is to cleanse them of dust and such..
but why do we cry when we are upset?
what physical aid do those tears falling from our eyes realy give?
why does crying make one feel any bit at ease about a situation?
does it?
if you know the answer, please share it with me...
my tears help add to my own confusion.
its been a while since i had anything to say here.
i've noticed that i've kind of withdrawn from the way i share things.
i've started to depend more on one-on-one communication, rather than posting my heart to the masses.
perhaps i've become frightened of getting hurt.

at any rate..
i've been listening to some songs that pull at my heart.
maybe i like the soft, soothing torture it brings.
maybe its good for me to feel these feelings surface again.