Friday, August 29, 2003

the site that i use for my comments, ReBlogger, has been down for d*a*y*s...i miss the affirmation of seeing comments. *sad*

in other news, i get to sleep in this week:)

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

allow me to insert one play-by-playish sort of statement:
next week i'm working evening late night conversations and sleeping till more normal hours will be the norm. at least for one week. i'm considering it a sort of vacation. i look forward to conversing with many of you lovely friends of mine during the hours that i have recently been sleeping. yay!

Monday, August 25, 2003

an intriguing plan has begun forming within my mind...
the plan is around the ideas of travel and coffee.
i've not thought out the logistics of it much as of yet, but the idea is that i'd visit various parts of the country staying with friends. some places i'd just stay a short while and get to know the area...but every once and again i'd settle down for 6 months to a year and work in some area coffee shop for a while, then move on to the next location. this would help me to gain experience from various regions and managers, while also fulfilling that wandering inclination that has been building throughout most of my life.
its only an idea right now...but i think its not a bad idea. its kind of scary.

Sunday, August 24, 2003

emotions are overwhelmingly annoying buggers. they should be shot. I hate them today. to prevent sounding more pathetic and embarrasing myself...i'll stop at that.

Friday, August 22, 2003

i am enjoying short statements of thought. feel free to share your own via comments.
it is saying something good about a coffee shop when one can work there 6 hrs a day, 5 days a week, and still want to go hang out there on a friday evening to drink a cup of tea and read a book. the atmosphere still feels right.
i need someone to go play scrabble with in a coffee shop for a couple of hours.
rebellion and anti-rebellion to christian pop-culture collide when becca enters the family christian store to shop only from the 3.99 cd rack for good music aparently declared no-good by the establishment.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

i cannot seem to drink green tea without sugar
even when i *want* to
i try it...and find it lacking any flavour
so in goes the sugar
and ta-da
green tea flavour abounds.
np: Norah Jones
"crazy, crazy for feelin so lonely...
i'm crazy, crazy for feelin so blue..."

in all honesty...i cant help but miss being close to a boy.
I dont feel that right now i'm ready in life for it again...though if the opportunity came up and i felt God saying "go for it" i wouldnt hold back.

i think i've been trying hard to make up for it by growing better friendships with the boys in my life. now, dont get me wrong, the boys in my life are great. i honestly dont know what i'd do without them. i've always felt that i communicate better with my male friends and just generally feel more at ease and honest with them (by design?). but these boys, as great as they are, and as much as i cherish our friendships, cannot fit that place within me that so misses having a special *someone*.
sadly, i think i've always wanted "a special someone" more than "a specific someone."
that desire is annoying...most of the time. it gets in the way of my ability to cultivate realy strong friendships with people whom i do care about. i find myself drifting off into crushland and getting all schoolgirlish over boys whom i know good and well that i have no place acting like that about.
having someone to be close to and spend time with and care for in the past felt so right and easy because it is one of the things i was designed to do...eventually.

dear boys in my life (note, this includes also boys i've not actually met),
i cant get my thanks fully into words here...but thanks for putting up with girls like me...and for being my friend anyway.
I love you each and probably have thought of you *like that* at least once or twice.
love, becca

Sunday, August 17, 2003

i've decided that i have so much more to offer in word than various empty play-by-plays on my life experiences. please do me a favor and kick me in the rear if i get stuck on long spews of such things again anytime soon. i want to share thoughts, not just actions.

i stared so close that the choice of colors and seemingly random brush strokes looked completely out of place and obscure to my eyes, then i backed slowly away from each piece till it looked real and beautiful again..a masterpiece, each color bringing out highlights and shadows and drawing attention to various details...all bringing me to the realization that the painters of these works are far better than I.

this is exactly how life is
we're each looking at these details of our lives so confused by the obscurity...we see the thing that we know is supposed to look like a "lamp" but we can't see the "lamp" because we're too close to it. we're looking at the blotches instead of the whole. when you back away, the blotches blend and enhance one another to form a beautiful scene for the senses.

i'm absolutely blown away when i try to comprehend how the painter could see the big picture while they were working,
and sadly, somedays i think i'm more blown away by the paintings and painters than by the creation and creator.

life in this world is so very much more than the obscure things that happen to me, now, here.
i want to look at the painting and be amazed by the Master Painter.

Saturday, August 16, 2003

why do crickets chirp?

its the same sound over and over again.
perhaps by one, perhaps by many.
never changing pitch,
never changing rhythm,
never changing time.
just the constant chirp.
almost mechanical.
i'd call it communication...
if i could hear a change

does our constant chatter sound as crickets to his ears?

Thursday, August 14, 2003

the following is from my real written journal about the event discovered here.

please keep in mind that this entry was written in spurts as my journal lay open on the table in front of me.
things in parenthesis with "add" in front are additions to the journal entry to clarify, etc.

[start of written journal]
9-14-03 6:20pm
...and the randomness continues...
in the courtyard (or outside patio?) of the Cotton Patch i enter. The band is playing some song that is basically a loop. I've forgotten their name now. (add: they later repeated it: Abstract Magic)

random: i'm given a menu. I order only sweet tea and steamed veggies, and i'm the only one out here eating. (add: till later when various older people come and eat...probably parents and friends' parents.) Am i trying to add to my mystery? No. I'm just not all.
why'd i wear this shirt? (add: 3/4 sleeved close fitting black shirt. it was hot outside at the time as the sun had not yet sunk behind the walls)

I used to want that guitar....but that one is a bass. did i want the bass? (add: mint green fender)
If these kids are high schoolers, where do they disapear to after that? (add: everyone around me seemed like pretty cool kids with perhaps similar interests to myself...except that they are still in high school...i've always wondered where that sort of crowd but my age is hiding around this place. i'll find them eventually)

my veggies are here and GOOD! seriously, the best steamed veggies i'e ever had. brocoli, califlower, and red potatos.
i've limes in my tea.

4 piece band: lead guitar and vocs (add: and later kazzoo), 2nd guitar, bass, drums.

It's sometimes interesting to watch ashes drift in the breeze.

i can see they are recording this show..say its their last.

oh, it's acoustic guitar time now (add: bandmates took a break. i liked the acoustic stuff best. its a big contrast from what the whole band plays. i think its an age seperation sort of thing...lead guitarist is about to go to college, rest of the band is still in high school)
...then hardcore for one song (add: when lead guy takes his break)
rumor has it a kazoo will be played soon.

two limes down, only one more to go.
the girl in the hebrew shirt looks similar to fer. not in mannerisms, though.
that is one heck of a nice looking recording mic.

kazoo time. pretty impressive, honestly. (add: he played this cheap green plastic kazoo in similar fashion to a jazz/bluesy sax solo improv. it reminded me of a cheapened flecktones moment..heh. note: "reminded" does not mean that it was actually like flecktones..just that it hit something that made me think of that)

hrm..a mix between Jennifer McCumber and Anna Morris has shown up. Daniel Adams is missing it. poor guy.

i'm leaving now.
[end of written journal]

i left the show about 8:00. i'd heard about an hour and a half of the band, long since finished my meal, and realy wasn't too into their main sets. if it had all been acoustic and some improv stuff like the kazoo, i'd have enjoied the whole thing. i'm still glad i went because having something to do is good for me. its rare that live music is early enough for me to take in with my schedule as it stands. after leaving, i drove through downtown again simply because i enjoy having an old downtown to drive through (though its not at all on the way home...its actually quite the oposite direction) then i began heading home, but took a detour to the playground at the bottom of the hill on lake ave where i swang on the big swing set for awhile...good times. completely reminded me of my nights back in new orleans where i'd go to the swing set under the big tree at lipsey park and swing. remind me to go back to the park at the bottom of the hill a bit more often.

Saturday, August 09, 2003

my schedule has been changed!
i now work 6am to noon mon-fri...which means more hours per week, more time-and-a-half hours, and no long long days of closing! i also get to see the regulars every day..and i like that. :)
my feet will like this.
my internal clock will be happier with me, too. throwing two early mornings in during a week is harder than getting used to 5 of them.
i'm hoping to be able to take a few hours nap every afternoon so i wont have to be going to bed at 8 and 9 every night ;)

Friday, August 08, 2003

i've worked 22 hrs in 36.
two 11 hr to close...closing took two hours.
my feet hurt.
not as badly today as yesterday..but still not great.
i'm going shoe shopping now.

Monday, August 04, 2003's been almost two weeks since i updated! i realy didnt realise i'd been so slack here.

in answer to lem's question, the sf59 album mentioned in the previous entry is "old." its very good and should be given a listen.

last thursday the shop opened oficially. we worked wednesday giving out free drinks to whoever would come in to give us practice with customers and get the word out on how great our drinks are. i worked thursday and friday 6am-3pm and enjoyed every bit of it except for the sore feet that ensued from wearing uncomfortable shoes on thursday. but its okay..i bought some black and white converse shoes to wear and they helped greatly on friday. (we're required to wear black pants and shoes and white shirts) i hear that saturday went realy well..from 10:30 or so they say that had a stready line of people for at least an hour...which is awesome. i'm glad people are checking us out. our hours right now are 6am to 3 on weekdays and 8am to 5 on saturdays. that will stretch as money comes in and kinks get worked out. i have a feeling that the place is going to be absolutely hopping in the evenings once we get open later.
we've already got a number of man comes in every morning around 8:00 for a double grande dark roast, and after lunchtime the guy from acros the street at the goodyear place comes in for his 16oz strawberry banana smoothie.
have i mentioned that i absolutely love the people i work with? i stopped in this morning on my way home (i'm babysitting overnight the next couple of nights and did last night as well)...just to see how things were, see everyone, and order a latte. i just cant stay away for a whole week :)

i wont be around much this week...the computer at the house i'm staying at to babysit is broken as of yesterday (before i got there, i swear i didnt do it!) i'm working there from 5:30pm till morning tonight through wednesday and working at the shop from 6am to 3 thursday and friday.
if you're in the area somehow towards the end of the week, come have me make you a drink.