Monday, May 27, 2002

i'm trying to make a regular thing of this

i'm starting to wonder if this extra job is realy going to work out. i am having the hardest time getting a time set up for the interview. i keep leaving messages on her cell phone, then i get in touch with her and she tells me to call back another time. gah! i understand that she is busy and thats what she is offering this position for. its just frustrating because i've been trying since friday to meet with her.

summer days seem so very short and long at the same time. there has been a lot of *nothing* to do..and when so much nothing fills a makes the day feel like nothing at all happened...short.
yet..i've done so little of what i started out the summer saying i would do.
i guess its still i realy shouldn't let myself feel behind already...its only beginning.
i suppose this is me trying to get a head start and i'm reminding myself that i will regret it if i dont get started now on reading the books and going for the walks and enjoying the summer.

i cant just sit here and wait for the big events to happen..its all the small ones that build up to the joy that is a remembered summer.
various people at various places have been reminding me of the little things a lot recently.
i haven't returned to my corner table, but i did buy an adorable espresso maker yesterday afternoon.
its a stovetop espresso maker, but not that Italian style..its black cast iron with a red cast iron top and it has two little spouts that shoot the espresso into two little white mugs. it kind of reminds me of a little iron stove...realy...the look of it.
i'll have to buy some espresso beans soon

picking up my guitar again makes me want to learn more..get good calouses...keep them good...keep playing...try my hand at an electric
some of this stuff i am trying to play just doesn't sound right on acoustic
added to the fact that i still suck at strumming
i know, i takes some working

my fingers are feeling it

Thursday, May 23, 2002

i just remembered that i mentioned a few entries back about my dream for an all a's trimester
turns out i got 4 A's, 2 B's, and 2 P's (the P's wouldn't have been A's in any light..pass or fail)
i'm happy with those, though
disapointed in mysefl about one B, though
Dr Browning called me the last day of school to find out if i'd turned in my 2nd article review
i hadn't
i thought it was going to count as 3 or 4 days late..making it a D..but he said because my absences were "excused" that it would have been only a B!
thats where that B final grade fits in
the other is hymnology..which turned out to be a pretty butt-hard i'm still standing proud in my B. its probably the highest grade in the class:)
speaking if classes...the summer class i'm taking..biology I...
i'm taking it at a community college. i had no idea it was going to be as easy as it seems this far.
of course, i've only gone once...we'll see
the teacher is adjuct..and normally teaches high school science. she keeps the class at what seems to be that level
i think i can handle highschool level bio..yeah
the back wall of the class room has a mural on it

thats all i have to say about that
"post to from the corner table"
yeah..that reads very oddly
its what the heading in my blogger says as i type this

for the first time ever
...i sat down not knowing at all what i'm going to say
well..i've not known what to say before
but for the first time ever
i've sat down at THIS and not known what to say.
i felt the need to pour something into an entry
...this is that something

when i woke up today the clock read 12:52
yesterday it was 12:30
if this keeps up, by next week i'll be rising at 3:30 or 4:00
but that wont happen
i start a semi-job one week from today

new things always scare me
i worry about not measureing up to what is expected
i worry about schedules not working
i worry about the responsibility
i worry about what people will think of me

i dont think i used to worry like this all
i remember being the girl with no worries
and the girl who never cried
i graduated
moved to college
the tears began to flow
the stress rolled in
and the worries hang above me

not that i'm an endless string of worry or anything
i'm realy still pretty carefree
but i do have worries
perhaps its only because i now have more responsibility than i had three years ago
one is expected to have at least a little bit more on her mind, right?

i dont know what else to say
*awkward silence ensues*
(how can you have an awkward silence with a journal?)

-my sisters are adorable
i get to see them this saturday
-i'm going to write wendy a bunch of letters this summer
-i wish i had a good place to put this picture of me and skot
-this blog is not at all what i first imagined it to become
its funny how things like this take on a direction of their own
-i've felt pretty silent lately
i'm sorry...i realy do love you guys...i just dont have much to say
my mind doesn't know what to think..much less say to real people
-i think i'm at some type of transition
...i dont know what that means
i dont know why i said it
i dont know what comes next
do i ever know?

Wednesday, May 15, 2002

dear coffee shop,
i haven't graced your door in a very long time...yet, i dont realy miss you much. i thought we had something special. perhaps we did...however, i feel i have moved on now. i have to admit, i think about you everytime i pass your way..but i never come in. i will never forget those quiet afternoons when i was embraced by your warmth as i drank in your goodness. i gave a so much to you with so much returned to me. you brought out good things in me which i'd forgotten. you were my solace. what if one day i decide that i just have to have one more taste. would you take me back if i came running to your door? I promise, i will never forget you. maybe someday we will need one another again.
love, your coffee girl