Monday, April 28, 2003

1. i love getting handmedown clothes! these jeans were jeans that steph doesnt wear anymore..too long for i cut them off to bweka height and now love them. i also got two comfy dresses and a couple of shirts. yay for my roommate cleaning out her closet:)

2. recitals at coffee shops are wonderful. a bunch of dr dean' string players played at java werks tonight..only they mostly didnt play their stringed violinist sang, and another played guitar..a bassonist played keyboards, and there was an upright bass and some drums (not sure if the drum players were string players as well or not) it was all spanish music and marvelous. rossio has a beautiful voice with so much flavor to it..i just cant describe the sounds she made tonight, realy.

3. strings final-we didnt even have to play because dr dean had to come to the coffee shop at he had a guy named padro come in and give us our written test. he was quite amusing as far as chillean sting players go.

4. i'm so anxous to get to north augusta and just get that much closer to having this coffee shop thing put in motion. getting there and getting some cashflow in the form of a job..hopefully a coffee related job..just absolutely thrills me..i do hope these things work out! i was talking to audrea a few minutes ago about all of this and how it could pan out..i'm just so exctied about the adventure. i so believe this is going to happen..mainly becuase the idea seems so out of nowhere..and so not possible on my makes my eyes light up to think about how God is able to provide for all of this!


Sunday, April 20, 2003

here it is..another update..and almost within a week of the last one! oh my!
watch out kids, i'm kinda sneaky like that... *wink*

(too bad fer didnt invent the use of the word "kids" in that form..because if she had she could somehow work out a royalties thing i bet. )

Its the end of another Easter.
i'm roughly 15 now (spiritualy speaking, that is)
i'm convinced that my granddaddy is at least 3.
(see the b section of this)

i took my car full of stuff home thursday evening in preparation for graduation/moving day.(may 17th!!!!!!!)
i love how much i can fit into my little honda hatchback. i actually managed to put everything in some sort of out of the way order before returning to hattiesburg, too. i'm proud of that. Now if i can only bring myself to focus on finishing the year...rather than being so anxious towards that end.

Elijah is comming together. not as nicely as i'd like it to...but considering the group..its a lot better than we may have expected it to be looking at past recent experiences. at any rate..all we have left are two rehearsals tomorrow and a performance on tuesday night. ready or not, here we come. the hardest part about it is the fact that the program is almost two hours long. thank God for intermission, eh.

after rehearsal tonight nick, michael, and nathan, and i went to buffalo wild wings for some food..because we'd all neglected to eat before our two and a half hour 7:00pm rehearsal. for some reason the place was closing early tonight, so when we walked in we were told to go ahead and order soon so they could close the kitchen. by the time i went to refill my drink, they had emptied the machine and one of the guys working there just stood there and watched me try to get Barqs and watched the machine spray carbonated stuff all over me...THEN he tells me its already been emptied. thanks a lot mister short guy.
it was fun watching mike and nate sweat as they split a 24 order of mild wings. aparently the mild isnt so mild, or they were misunderstood.
we knew it was time to leave when they turned all the tvs to static and we were the only people left in the dining area.

nothing realy great...or moving...or exciting to talk about...but there you have it.

Sunday, April 13, 2003

thoughts from the middle of a metal staircase....
"My head feels so jumbled...longing to pour itself out in concrete thoughts, but unsure how those thoughts fit together. I long to have real communication with someone or to sit in a silence with someone who knows me. Untill then, I pull farther and farther away from relationships where I am only known a little. I find myself prefering to be alone in a room full of people that absolutely do not know me than to simply socialize with people I have known for years. I want something real, something deep, some connection with another...or nothing at all."

i've just come to a point where so much seems superficial....and i think i'm tired of it.

i realise that a lot of what i thought about last night was influenced by the emotional state that the play last night left me in....but i needed to think about it.

Monday, April 07, 2003

recital pictures
(some may have not seen them yet, somehow)

drag the link to your browser's address bar..that should do it.
no. 1: singing
no. 2 me with my accompanist and my voice teacher
no. 3 flowers from my wonderful roommates
no. 4 i look like i am singing
no. 5 my with christymir and her bryan
i'm horrible about keeping this thing up to date!
tonight...i finished my assignment that is due tomorrow..i practiced cello and guitar all afternoon...the cafe is down..last i checked there was nothing new at i guess i have no excuse not to update now.

I'm sitting here enjoying an (instant) chai latte. Its not as delicious as the real thing....but it'll do.

I have come to the conclusion that i have had a bad case of senioritis since even before i began college. I've been so ready to get finished with this part of my life and find out what happens next that I barely stopped to enjoy a lot of what has been right here right now. The days of my freshman year are so clear in my memory...because they weren't so very long ago. ..and all of a sudden i'm regreting not taking Josh up on his offer to come with Him and Alma to the coffee house tonight. I get so school-focused... I'm so ready to pack up my things and begin taking them home again.
Its not that i dont absolutely LOVE this place. i DO love it. i wish that i could just live here with these people and hang out in the music building without having to worry about deadlines and classes and schedules. I long to just....BE.

So thats what i'm going to do...only...not here.
I'm going to take some time after I graduate..and just .be.
i'm not going to rush around to find a job.
i'm not going to make a schedule of my week.
I'm just going to let myself... .force myself....
to just .be.

...and then..after i've had time to be whatever that is...
i'll find new places to belong
and new things to do
and a new job
and a new church
and i new library card which i hope to wear the magnetic strip off of from frequent use.

now..if only i could get myself to stop looking so forward to that so much and live in the now for the next month or so....