If you see them, will you love them like i do?

as i stand here in this hospital..day after day...and i smile at as many people as i possibly can...and i know that i'm here for THIS...i begin to wonder..what is "this"?

what do i say to the woman who buys a smoothie or two every time she has an appointment..and tells me how well they settle her stomach during her chemo treatments?

what do i say to the man who says "pile on all the good stuff" as i make his hot chocolate...who is trying to decide where to go for his hospice stay while he simply waits on the end of it?

how do i encourage those who are stuck roaming these hallways..day after day...feeling trapped because of something they cannot change...?

i watch some go from wheelchair..to walker..to cain..to freedom....while the others i see fall in the other direction...from cain..to walker..to chair...and then i just dont see them anymore...

i watch men objectify women and say all sorts of improper things..and i watch women (and men, too) feel unlovely, lonely, or forgotten

yet...i love being here..i know that what little i do is something...but what more can i do...from behind this counter?

If You See Them
(sherri youngward)

My Father’s heart broke today
His children ran away
His children slipped out the back door
His children He loved and adored
And He said
Have you seen your brother Have you seen your sister
Where is your brother Have you seen your sister

If you see them will you love them like I do
And maybe they’ll remember who I am
I’d give anything and everything I have
Just to bring them back again

My Father paces the floor
I’ve never seen Him like this before
He says He won’t restUntil they’re all safe and sound
He says He won’t rest until they’re all found

five months from tomorrow

i'm in a bit of calm right now....its its rather surreal.

the first month was a whirlwind of teling and reading and deciding and making lists

this month was the realization that i dont have to do it all at once..and that i can't do it all at once

next month will be the calm moving forward with just what needs to be done

then the following few months will be when i have to take this planning brain up another notch again

and i dont even want to think about what all will have to come together those last couple of months

but in five months....i'll be collected and ready and excited

read all instructions

credit for finding this link goes to the kids at the coffeegeek forums

the coffee mug owners manual:
http://www.cyclofiend.com/salsa/salsa_mugman.html

update on my lenten thoughts

i decided that i'm sacrificing:
a. listening to music/radio in my car
and
b. watching tv (unless i need to know the weather report) at home

and during times that i would normally turn on the tv, i'll read from the gospels and/or consider various aspects of Jesus's life and death...and how they affect my daily living.

when its quiet in my car, i'll be able to reflect on my recent readings, and better hear from the Lord as i'm going from place to place.

(also, how horrible of me..i had no idea how short a time it would take to read through ALL of the gospels! if i just read 2 chapters a day and 3 chapters on sundays, i'll finish the whole set before Easter. if i read my Bible more often, i'd probably have realised how quickly one can read through four books from it..before now.)

side: i just witnessed my first Ash Wednesday participant customer! (when i lived in the heart of Catholicism [Louisiana], seeing ash-smudged foreheads didnt excite me as much as it does now that i'm in the heart of Baptistism [Georgia])

joyous sacrifice

"Now I rejoice in my sufferings for Your sake and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of His body, that is, the church." Colossians 1:24

lent. the days between fat tuesday and easter.

a time to remember Jesus' great sacrifice(his life lived in earth..and his death) and suffering(the pain of crucifixion...and the weight of all sin). a sacrifice that is made worthless unless we live in light of it, accept his payment for our lives....and tell the world about it. honestly..it shouldn't take a certain season and observance to remind me of how much he gave...but i'm human..i need big reminders.

i usualy start thinking about this like..two days AFTER the fact...so i'm going to jump start it..and figure out my plan today.

i wont give up something that is BAD for me. thats not sacrifice....just an excuse to do what i should already do.

i should give up a thing i enjoy..and usualy consume or do frequently....otherwise its not hard to give it up. its not a sacrifice. this needs to take effort.

a certain food: bell peppers, salad dressing, cheese, turkey sandwiches, chocolate, coffee, tea, caffeine in general...
or an activity: wearing contacts, watching tv, knitting, listening to music in the car... (THAT would be sacrifice!)

or maybe stop NOT doing something? no. that gets me into the list of bad habits which just are not what lent is about...its realy hard to think of things that i WOULD give up...that are not things i SHOULD have already quit...like "i'll give up eating bread" or "i'll give up not excercising" or "i'll give up staying up too late at night" "i'll give up picking at my face"...these are not lenten vows..these are just good ideas for every day life...these are not sacrifices which would remind me of what he gave for me.

"Let us fix out eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" Hebrews 12:2

it should be something which...after the lenten season is over, when Easter comes..i can enjoy that sacrificed thing again...and remember the absolute smallness of that joy compared with the joy of Jesus' reunion with His Father in heaven..and the comming reunion of all believers with the Father, too.

what's your stance on this season of lent?

may i help you?

yesterday afternoon as i was arriving home from work, my phone rang and this is about how the conversation that took place proceeded:

me: hello?
caller: hi, this is erica from David's Bridal, i was just calling to make sure you have everything you need for your wedding.
me: (laughing) um...no.
me: its kind of in process
erica: (laughs also) oh, i'm sorry, i guess that was a silly question.
(conversation continues briefly...but that was the amusing part)

add to that the customer earlier that morning who was insisting that i am not prepared enough and that i should have already picked out and ordered my invitations and flowers and food, etc...

she simply would not rest assured with my claiming that i do have a timeline and lists to work from...she proceeded to make her own vocal list of things for me to prepare.

..and i just cant tell my daily customers "please shut up and let me do this myself! you are certainly not being HELPFUL with your *advice* "

if this keeps up, i'll just start lying to people... like this:
them: so do you have everything ready for "the big day"?
me: (option a.) we elloped. (option b.) yep. everything's planned and paid for.
them: (option a.) well, that's nice. (or, if they are paying attention.... b.) are you serious???

stand back or i'll shoot!

wedding brain continues!
we spent the weekend playing with happy laser guns and are since registered at target, bed bath and beyond, and walmart.
after the whirlwind of gift registery had ended, i found myself pondering a great deal more over who might purchase our towels and the fact that my wonderings about how many items people actually recieve from these gift registery lists might finally come to a conclusion....instead of thinking as much about important things...such as what michael and i will be doing in way of ministry and how we will go about adjusting to living in one place and paying bills together.
i'm not overly concerned about my seeming unbalanced perspective at the moment..at least i know that Michael is thinking about it a bit more than i am...and that--even more importantly--God knows what He has in store for us....just got to trust Him...but need to come away from registry-brain and catering prices long enough to pray about it and let go of what i cannot change.