Monday, April 07, 2003

i'm horrible about keeping this thing up to date!
tonight...i finished my assignment that is due tomorrow..i practiced cello and guitar all afternoon...the cafe is down..last i checked there was nothing new at i guess i have no excuse not to update now.

I'm sitting here enjoying an (instant) chai latte. Its not as delicious as the real thing....but it'll do.

I have come to the conclusion that i have had a bad case of senioritis since even before i began college. I've been so ready to get finished with this part of my life and find out what happens next that I barely stopped to enjoy a lot of what has been right here right now. The days of my freshman year are so clear in my memory...because they weren't so very long ago. ..and all of a sudden i'm regreting not taking Josh up on his offer to come with Him and Alma to the coffee house tonight. I get so school-focused... I'm so ready to pack up my things and begin taking them home again.
Its not that i dont absolutely LOVE this place. i DO love it. i wish that i could just live here with these people and hang out in the music building without having to worry about deadlines and classes and schedules. I long to just....BE.

So thats what i'm going to do...only...not here.
I'm going to take some time after I graduate..and just .be.
i'm not going to rush around to find a job.
i'm not going to make a schedule of my week.
I'm just going to let myself... .force myself....
to just .be.

...and then..after i've had time to be whatever that is...
i'll find new places to belong
and new things to do
and a new job
and a new church
and i new library card which i hope to wear the magnetic strip off of from frequent use.

now..if only i could get myself to stop looking so forward to that so much and live in the now for the next month or so....

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