i have no idea what to think right now...
i suppose after today some things will become more clear...but right now i'm just rather dazed by what i've been told thus far.

what i've been told is that Dr. Valentine-the dean of music and chorale director- is gone, Mrs. Fortenberry-adjuct piano and voice instructor, accompanist to many ...including myself- is gone, and Mrs. Stringer-piano class teacher- is gone. Mr. Young-instrumental head and band director- and Mr. Cameron-woodwinds and music literature instructor- will be gone after this year. what the heck?

this stinks.

recital preparations:
we're out of school this week...between trimesters. but i've stayed around to practice for my upcomming hearing.
(hearing=what must be passed at least 2 weeks before a music student can present a degree recital. during the hearing said student presents the full recital for all music faculty. they discuss whether or not the student is fully prepared to present the recital publically. they also are free to give any ideas or pointers or changes they would like to see made and the student is expected to apply these things in the recital if the hearing is passed. yes, it is quite possible to fail a hearing.)
my hearing is in one week. ack!
so...i've been practicing. yesterday afternoon i went to my voice teacher's home for a lesson. we put my music in order and went over ALL of it. she showed me what areas need work and made me feel a lot better about my progress. of course, i still have a lot of work to do...but i think that in a week i should be ready for this...as long as i work hard like i have this week.

in other recital news:
she says i cant be barefoot. i'll have to buy some slippers...maybe find some material that would match my dress and cover them.
mom and i both decided apart from one another that my reception should be a mini-coffee shop complete with a number of types of coffee, little bagles and little muffins, even bite sized cheese cakes :)

of course...with the hearing next week...shoes and food are the least of my worries

its a strange feeling to now be free to develop innocent little crushes on...pretty much anybody i please(within reason.) adjusting to that is strange. one wouldnt think it would be some big thing that would require adjustment...but i dont accept change very quickly.

i finally have time to begin reading The Scarlet Letter!

waaaay back in like...9th grade my friend Lori had to read this book for school..so she and i took turns reading parts of it to each other...however, lori had to finish the end of it without me due to time constraints. a few years ago i bought a copy of the book and just yesterday i finaly had time to sit down and begin the story all over again. i spent a little over an hour in the coffee shop reading it..and read some more last night before i went to bed. hoooray for long awaited stories:)

(also, hooray for coffee shops where i can enjoy a tall cup of dark roast, curl up in a chair, and read.)

who is "k"?
that has me wondering.
even after looking at your website, i'm still stumped
you're a vagrant, no doubt...but which one?
you leave me dumbfounded.

sighs of unrest.
relief...anticipation
of the one things
absolutely not possible.
unpromised.
(not what you think)
unoccupied.
attack on thought process.
unclear emotion.
take me far from you
stay there
let me observe from this corner.
smother
extinguish
get out of my head.
i cant admit this
i dont know that its true.
if i ignore it
maybe it will go away
because i know i will soon.

on moving on:
in case you were wondering...in the case that you may actually ever read this...
the process has gone a long way. i would say i have healed quite a lot in the last month.
for a while there my mental process was scaring me..but things have calmed down now.
life is getting back to normal.
i'm okay....at least today i think so.
when our paths cross again i may have to take those words back.

and i keep checking online to see if kate has had her baby yet. (i dont ever remember being so anxious about someone having a baby..)

i have a final in the morning
am i studying?
noooooo
this is so dumb of me.
go study, becca. go.

i'm realy not feeling very well right now...so i was laying on the couch trying to wait on a headache to go away.
thats a good excuse to avoid studying, right? no.

"please be caerful with me..i'm sensative...and i'd like to stay that way" (jewel)

this is such a random entry...i keep jumping around from thought to thought. i've been keeping a lot of things out of this journal...putting them in other places..forums...the "personal internet" of the listening lab (which is not actually on the internet..becuase they never got that computer on the network...so michael roderick and i have been creating various web pages and journals in the lab)

i'm going to end this entry and start one with a better flow of thought

yesterday marked one year of this
one year of blogging
one year of being coffee girl
one year
whatever any of that means

very few movies can make me cry like that..guh
(anna and the king)

i havent spent a lot of time on ther internet recently..i've been very busy with getting well and getting finished with school.
i'm over the cold.
i had to perform in recital class yesterday and take a history quiz coveing the last three chapters of the book.
today i had a guitar final.
my only two finals left are church music administration and history. history is going to kick my sweet tail.
i've finally been able to get some focus about learning my recital music. i plan to have it all completely memorised within a week and then can spend the next few weeks polishing and getting it cold in preparation for my hearing.
i've had it on my mind so much that i almost couldnt sleep last night for all the german and french song lyrics running through my head. i kept unconsciously testing myself on them.
i hope that doesn't keep up.

i hate productive coughs.

i have a cold.
no feaver.
just lots of sleep, sinus congestion, and an ugly productive cough.
which all together make my voice sound like crap.

tylenol sinus and cold is my friend. i wish it didn't have the tylenol in it..because i dont need that particular drug right now..but i need everything else in these thigns..so its the best i can do.

also, dont you hate how water tastes when you're sick? i do..so i'm drinking raspberry crystal lite right now.

this ends a boring "i'm sick" blog entry. have a good day.