Thursday, May 23, 2002

"post to from the corner table"
yeah..that reads very oddly
its what the heading in my blogger says as i type this

for the first time ever
...i sat down not knowing at all what i'm going to say
well..i've not known what to say before
but for the first time ever
i've sat down at THIS and not known what to say.
i felt the need to pour something into an entry
...this is that something

when i woke up today the clock read 12:52
yesterday it was 12:30
if this keeps up, by next week i'll be rising at 3:30 or 4:00
but that wont happen
i start a semi-job one week from today

new things always scare me
i worry about not measureing up to what is expected
i worry about schedules not working
i worry about the responsibility
i worry about what people will think of me

i dont think i used to worry like this all
i remember being the girl with no worries
and the girl who never cried
i graduated
moved to college
the tears began to flow
the stress rolled in
and the worries hang above me

not that i'm an endless string of worry or anything
i'm realy still pretty carefree
but i do have worries
perhaps its only because i now have more responsibility than i had three years ago
one is expected to have at least a little bit more on her mind, right?

i dont know what else to say
*awkward silence ensues*
(how can you have an awkward silence with a journal?)

-my sisters are adorable
i get to see them this saturday
-i'm going to write wendy a bunch of letters this summer
-i wish i had a good place to put this picture of me and skot
-this blog is not at all what i first imagined it to become
its funny how things like this take on a direction of their own
-i've felt pretty silent lately
i'm sorry...i realy do love you guys...i just dont have much to say
my mind doesn't know what to think..much less say to real people
-i think i'm at some type of transition
...i dont know what that means
i dont know why i said it
i dont know what comes next
do i ever know?

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