*sigh*

my dream is to open a coffee shop

my tallent is in music

God has me as a church music major

i dont know why.

i want to pursue the coffee shop thing as soon as i can

but as long as i'm in school..i dont really have time to do much work in coffee

i'm stuck...

i'm tired of being stuck.

what do i do?

i tried Earl Grey tea for the first time tonight
i dont know why i waited so long
tea is my newest door to another me
the me that reads articles
the me that thinks seriously
the me that has opened eyes
the me that has real conversations
and sees real people
i hope

i want to go to the coffee shop again
but my car has pms
i almost feel as though i should call in to let them know i miss being there
maybe i have an illness

why is it that you always feel the most issolated and trapped when you know you cannot go anywhere on your own?

i went again today
with every intention to talk to her about a job
but i chickened out
the timeing was off.
seems that she just hired
"a darling young woman named lacy."
i was a day too late.
i have not given up.
i'll just sit in my corner
and watch them train lacy.
no..by the time i get back from break
she'll be well on her way to professional coffee girl
and i'll be in the corner drinking chai
without a job
without that in.
i'll be oustide
and my dream will be still out of grasp.
"get in the sink"

3:54pm, february 4, 2002
the smile boy sounds like chuck. i wonder where he's from. he's kind, cares about the people that come here everyday. he's involved in their lives.
the old man reminds me of granddaddy. he's talking about computer problems to smile boy.
the french lady reminds me of sylvie. not just because she's french. she seems to be very devoted to learning, just like sylvie was. she knows how to be studious in comfortable places.
(i wish i could have worded that better)
the ellevator makes me feel as though i am part of this place...but also as though none of it is real. that is so strange.
i over romanticize everything.
stop: study more...you're absolutely hopeless!
4:15pm
the french lady and the english major are in a discussion about anthropology.
these people are so incredibly diverse and friendly.
the french lady is afraid of her phone ring! (perhaps she has coffee a bit too often?)
stop-4:20pm