np: Norah Jones
"crazy, crazy for feelin so lonely...
i'm crazy, crazy for feelin so blue..."

in all honesty...i cant help but miss being close to a boy.
I dont feel that right now i'm ready in life for it again...though if the opportunity came up and i felt God saying "go for it" i wouldnt hold back.

i think i've been trying hard to make up for it by growing better friendships with the boys in my life. now, dont get me wrong, the boys in my life are great. i honestly dont know what i'd do without them. i've always felt that i communicate better with my male friends and just generally feel more at ease and honest with them (by design?). but these boys, as great as they are, and as much as i cherish our friendships, cannot fit that place within me that so misses having a special *someone*.
sadly, i think i've always wanted "a special someone" more than "a specific someone."
that desire is annoying...most of the time. it gets in the way of my ability to cultivate realy strong friendships with people whom i do care about. i find myself drifting off into crushland and getting all schoolgirlish over boys whom i know good and well that i have no place acting like that about.
having someone to be close to and spend time with and care for in the past felt so right and easy because it is one of the things i was designed to do...eventually.

dear boys in my life (note, this includes also boys i've not actually met),
i cant get my thanks fully into words here...but thanks for putting up with girls like me...and for being my friend anyway.
I love you each and probably have thought of you *like that* at least once or twice.
love, becca